My Portion

Warning: this may be a downer

2011-05-16T21:46:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've even looked at this blog in over a year. However, due to recent circumstances I have a lot of thoughts that need expressing. I like to write them out, and I try to also make it sound good.

The scene: A young woman sits alone in her childhood home recently left to her by her deceased father. It's dark and rainy outside. Inside, music is playing accompanied by laundry tumbling through the wash. These are her thoughts...

It's comforting and heart wrenching to be here. I look around and know this is very different from the home Dad was living in. The surfaces and corners are free from clutter. The couch and rug are new. The furniture has been rearranged, different placements than they have had for years. Most of Dad's things (clothes, fishing, gardening, hunting stuff) has been boxed up or cleared out of the main rooms. Despite all that, there are things that are his. Things he kept for years and years. Things that had particular meaning and importance to him. It occurred to me it is strange that Dad's things are here when he is not. These things, the fish he caught and mounted, great grandpa's clock, his Arizona Iced Tea bottle collection, cause his presence to linger. I know these are just things. Dad himself would say, "It's just stuff," putting little importance in material things. Still, this stuff has memories attached to it. Even if they aren't all my own memories, they contain something of Dad and what he valued enough to surround himself with.

The memories and all of his STUFF are what I have left. There is a lot, but often I still feel robbed. Dad isn't a part of my present or future. That's a hard thought to face. I know he is still present even if it is only in memories and his belongings. And I'm not angry at him, although I wish he had been more willing to accept help and had made different choices. I'm not angry at God either. In his hospital bed Dad said, "God is good," and I tend to agree. I know God is happy to finally express to Dad that he was always loved. No more doubts and questions. I know God grieves with me, too, for the pain of the last few months and months to come. But sometimes I am angry at the world. I'm angry and bitter that this is not a safe place to live. That people suffer and die. That others are left behind to suffer loss and feel alone. That there is confusion and doubt and regret.

Of course I know there are good things, too. All I have to do is call my mom, get a big hug from my boyfriend, talk in silly voices with my sister, or look up at the clouds and know I'm loved and not alone. It is still a daily struggle to choose to look at the blessings instead of the pain, but I'm determined. With God's help this pain will ebb, new joys will come.

Whoever says the Bible is boring should read 1 Kings!

2009-08-03T21:19:00.000-07:00

Well, like a lot of people I know, I joined twitter. That's why I have been gone for so long. If you want to follow me there, my screen name is rachie_lynn. It feels a little like talking about an affair to put all this on my blog. Hopefully blogger will forgive me.

In other news, I have been reading 1 Kings lately and it has been great! That stuff is wild. Most of the time it's like reading some kind of magical adventure story. I believe it is all true, but it is as engaging as a novel. Today I came across a story that I have read before, but it really struck me this time. It's in chapter 18, and the story goes that Elijah calls all of Baal's prophets and all of the people of Israel (who have been worshiping Baal, by the way) to Mount Carmel and challenges them to a sacrifice-off: whichever god can make fire to burn up the offerings is the real God. Elijah even soaks the altar before praying that God would show himself so that the people would turn their hearts back to God. And of course, God delivers. The way the crowd responds is so powerful: v. 39 "When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, 'The Lord -- he is God! The Lord -- he is God!"

As I read this passage over lunch, I felt like God was present and speaking to me. First, I pictured him as a friend telling crazy and impressive stories. That didn't fit. Then, I pictured him laying out the story gently and quietly before me. He was reminding me that he is real and can work powerfully to call people back to him. He wasn't boasting because God doesn't need to boast. He spoke to me of his longing for his people. How incredible is it that God, who doesn't need anything from anyone, wants me to know him and believe that he loves me?

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

2009-05-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

I think this has been brought to my attention before, but today as I was browsing Amazon.com books (one of my favorite pass times) I read the description and had to share. In case you didn't know about this, here you go:

Product Description
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.

About the Author
Seth Grahame-Smith once took a class in English literature. He lives in Los Angeles.

Jane Austen is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and other masterpieces of English literature.

Andrew Bird aka Dr. Stringz

2009-04-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

Once, a long time ago (like 3 years) I went to see a Nickel Creek concert in Spokane, WA. I was a little bit chagrined when another act came on beforehand and I had to wait to see one of my all time favorite groups. This artist turned out to be a little strange and a little entertaining, but once Nickel Creek got on stage I basically forgot about him. One thing I did remember, however, was that he whistled. A lot.

Now fast forward to earlier this week in Starbucks. I was getting an iced mocha and checking out the cds there as I waited. One was an artist named Andrew Bird, and it described him as being known for his whistling. I had to check him out on youtube and what I found was astounding. He definitely is the man I saw so many years ago, but I didn't know he was also a superhero who fixed stringed instruments for puppets.

I love this video for many reasons. Here are a few of them:
- sing alongs with puppets
- the unique instrument that he fixes
- and Dr. Stringz' magical whistling powers

I've got all these ideas...

2009-04-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Recently I rediscovered couscous. It is so easy and tastes delicious if you add the right things to it. When I think about couscous, the first thing that comes to mind is lunch during family camp 4 or 5 years ago. The meal was all different kinds of salads and one of my favorites was a couscous salad. While reminiscing about this with my sister, I suddenly struck upon and idea: I could start a restaurant where couscous was featured in every dish. And what would I call such an inspired and unique restaurant? COUSCOUS NEST!

Really?!

2009-04-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

I really should be working, but when I saw this headline I just had to share.

Quarter Century

2009-03-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

This Saturday, Alison and I will be celebrating the 25th anniversary of our birth. We will be right smack-dab in the middle of our twenties. To celebrate we have a few ideas but I would love to hear from the couple people that still read this what they would do or what they think I might enjoy doing to commemorate my 25th year.

I must say I am enjoying this time in my life quite a bit. There isn't anything particularly fantastic going on, I am simply content with who I am and who I'm becoming. In the words of Greg Laswell (see previous post), "Yeah, it's well worth the time it's taken to get here now."

Pick of the Week

2009-02-19T19:32:00.000-08:00

Although I have been trying to support smaller businesses by searching for independently owned coffee shops instead of going to Starbucks, they (Bucks) do have something I really enjoy.... the PICK OF THE WEEK! Every week they have a new song or two you can download for free from iTunes. So far, I have found some winners. One of the most recent was Greg Laswell. I found the music video that goes with my free song, and I like it for two reasons:
1) the simple symmetrical choreography reminds me of the treadmill video made by Ok Go and
2) three guys dancing around a grocery store with bottled soda and indifferent facial expressions makes me smile. I hope it makes you smile, too.

Here is "How the Day Sounds"

Triple Header

2009-02-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

This weekend was an extra long, extra exciting one with not one, not two, but three holidays to celebrate.

First: Friday the 13th. This was also special for me because it was the day my cousins and I were finally able to do our Christmas gift exchange. Turns out Ali, my cousin, Lauren, and I were the only ones able to make it, but we had a good time staying up late watching movies and talking in typical sleep over fashion.

Second: Valentine's Day. My sister and I were unsure of our plans until about 6:30 in the evening when we decided to host a Super Sappy Valentine's Party at our apartment. A few friends from church came and we all wore Valentine's colors and watched a romantic comedy together. It was fun.

Third: President's Day. I slept in and got a hair cut. That's pretty much it.

Today

2009-02-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

Today is a very important day for the United States and Canada... it's Groundhog Day! Every year I forget that on the other side of the country there is a fortune-telling groundhog getting more attention than he probably wants. What's the forecast, Punxsutawney Phil?

Fusion + Small Groups = Infusion

2009-01-21T21:57:00.000-08:00

Infusion (n.) - the act of introducing a certain modifying element or quality
The Bible study infusion will change and enrich my life.
Infuse (v.) - to steep or soak
I want to be infused in the word.

Yay, small groups!

Time is ticking away. Tick, tick, ticking away!

2009-01-04T22:21:00.000-08:00

Wow! Life has been busy the last month or so (hence the lack of blog updates). It has been wonderful to participate in so many events and social gatherings with my friends and family, but I need a break! Since it is a new year, I have been thinking about how I want to spend my time. My life is so busy that I am almost constantly fighting off weariness and sickness due to a lack of sleep and hurried, unhealthy meals. Coffee has become a dietary staple and I don't think that actually contributes to my physical health. While having fun is certainly not a bad thing, I want to find more of a balance. I realize that if I stay home a couple nights a week I may be missing out on a couple nights of fun, but more are sure to come.

I'm nervous and excited about how this new year will pan out. I can feel changes coming. Change can be so stretching, but I'm feeling up to the challenge.

Four Hugs a Day...

2008-12-03T14:59:00.001-08:00

... That's the minimum
Four hugs a day, not the maximum!

This video is instructional as well as entertaining. You can learn not only how to give a great hug, but also how to shake your booty so you're ready to hit the clubs. Remember, you can do no harm with four hugs a day!

Speaking In Tongues

2008-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

"... Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make music that will melt the stars." ~ Gustave Flaubert in Madame Bovary.

In Girl Meets God, Lauren Winner talks about speaking in tongues. She says it can be a prayer language in which we can express things that don't seem to fit into plain English. Like her, I have never actually spoken in tongues, but I long to because my own words appear flat and lifeless in the face of some of life's experiences and God's majesty. Sometimes journaling or writing poetry can come closer to that full expression of feeling. I think Flaubert expressed it well. I get dancing bears when I hope for falling stars, but I keep talking anyway.

Can I Get an Amen?!

2008-10-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of going through my own personal revival right now. I have been reading books that cause me to think about having purpose and how God orchestrates events, and it gives me comfort. It feels good to remember that everything has a purpose and that, while I may not have any idea about what is going on, God does. There are so many things I m trying to figure out about my life and my future and the message I keep hearing about that is a relationship with God is the answer. Or at least, when my focus is growing closer to God everything else falls into perspective. It reminds me of a couple of songs...

The hymn "Seek Ye First"
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God
And His righteousness
And all these things shall be added unto you..."

And "The Answer" by Shane & Shane
"The answer is to love You and be loved by You alone"

Growing Wings To Fly

2008-10-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

This is how it used to be...

This is how it is now...

Birdie Breakthroughs

2008-10-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

Lately my parakeet, Kiwi, has become much more social. He can fly because we haven't kept his wings clipped. For awhile we were worried that meant he would forever be flying away from us. There was a point when he seemed to realize that he was independent. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. He could fly back to his cage without needing a helping hand from his human flock. Then I began to entice him to my hand with millet, his extra special birdie treat. We call it his crack. Shortly after that he began to fly to my hand when it was a very short distance from the cage whether it had a treat or not. Then the fun really started. He began to try to fly to us when we were sitting at the kitchen table. The only problem was he didn't seem to have much control of his speed or direction. He would go zooming past our heads and then go back to his cage, a much safer alternative to a potentially moving human target. After much practice he is now able to land on my head, shoulder, and even hand... while I'm holding a phone in it. Oh, I forgot to mention glasses. He has a strange attraction to our faces and glasses. It is a little inconvenient when you have a bird perched on your face chewing on the rim of your glasses. Still, I'm pleased it appears he is coming to accept the fact that he is in our flock. Just a moment ago he was sitting on my shoulder making noises that sounded a little like the aliens in the movie Signs. Next maybe he will learn to talk to us!

To be a therapist...

2008-10-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

...Or not to be. That is the question.

I need a few more

2008-09-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

I recently found a list of life goals that I wrote over 5 years ago. It's one of those lists of all the things you want to do or see before you die. It had 34 items on it and I had accomplished 3 of them before I lost it. Now I can cross out a few more. I think I've done 6 or 7 total. I started adding to the list again. I kind of want to have a nice round number like 50. I'm not really sure why. I'm up to 47. Some of them I'm not particularly attached to like eating escargot or spending over a hundred dollars on a meal. Those would be cool, but if I came to the end of my life and hadn't done those things I wouldn't be too disappointed. Some examples that I would really like to do are to see the Northern Lights in person, visit a tulip field in the Netherlands, learn to play the mandolin, and see all 50 states (I've seen about 15 already). I was wondering if anyone out there in the blogosphere had any suggestions to help me finish up my list. I'm curious about what other people would like to do in their lifetime.

Pharisee in Disciples Clothing

2008-09-25T12:40:00.000-07:00

Jesus and the pharisees butted heads all the time. The pharisees were the guys who were supposed to know what was up. They were supposed to be the experts and Jesus was constantly telling them that they didn't have it right. At all. That worries me because I identify with their desire to follow the rules. I'm constantly trying to figure out if I'm doing things right. I follow Jesus but sometimes I feel like he would be talking to me the same way he talked to the pharisees. "For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6) Sometimes I forget that it's about developing and maintaining a relationship instead of doing everything exactly the way it's "supposed" to be done. I think Jesus wants me to lighten up.

Squinty Business

2008-09-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

Last night at trivia I was one of a two man team, the smallest I've ever been a part of. It was my friend, Matt, and I competing as Squinty Business. We won the first round then earned fewer and fewer points as the rounds continued. It came down the final question which is worth 15 points and is always about Jack Daniel's. The question was, "How many days does the mellowing process last?" I guessed 7 days and we turned in our answer sheet, not expecting much. Then it was announced: we tied for first place! A chugging contest would decide who would win the $25 gift certificate. Matt knew what he had to do (and that I had no chance of winning a chugging contest). He drank as fast as he could and.... WE WON! That was the first time any of my friends or I had won in over a month. Sweet, sweet victory.

Babies!

2008-09-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

I went to my first baby shower yesterday. I wasn't nervous about what the games would be like or all the pastel colors because I knew it was going to be co-ed. At one point I did realize that the guys were all in the kitchen and the women were all in the livingroom. That seemed a little silly to me. The only game we played was making names out of the couple's last name. Some of the ones I came up with were Ira Les, Greg Star, and Lego. I don't think they're going with any of my suggestions.

I feel like I'm growing up

2008-09-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

Knots

2008-09-08T21:44:00.000-07:00

1) My dear friend from high school, Laurel, just got married this past weekend. It was a lovely wedding and we danced the night away to a lot of oldies and swing music. Yay for not caring what you look like while you dance!

2) My back and shoulders have been killing me. I feel like I could get hour long massages for the next month and maybe be okay.

Choice

2008-09-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

Recently I have found myself in situations in which it would be very easy to be negative. For example, driving home from work, stuck in traffic when it's 96 degrees outside and my air conditioner is broken. It would be very easy for me to start grumbling about how these people in Sacramento are crazy drivers and how traffic sucks and my car is on it's last legs. Instead I decided to pump up the oldies and sing along. It was so refreshing to make the choice to have a positive attitude about my situation. So often there is nothing we can do about where we find ourselves except how we will react. I would much rather make the choice to be a happy person. This may seem obvious to some, but I find that I often have to make a conscientious choice about it during the mundane, everyday moments. Another choice I made recently was that haircut I mentioned in my previous post. Here is a picture:

Betty Crocker knows where it's at, but I don't

2008-09-01T23:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight I spent some quality time with some lady friends of mine. We decided to bake some yummy treats for ourselves. Now, I used to cook all of the time. I worked in a camp kitchen for 2 summers baking 30 loaves of bread at a time. I know my way around the kitchen. At least I used to. Now all I have is frozen food and veggies that spoil before I can eat them. Back to this evening... One of my friends (who shall remain nameless) excitedly told us that she figured out what a wire rack she had was actually used for. She called it a warming tray when in fact it is a cooling wrack. The exact opposite! Needless to say, it has been difficult for me to find time to cook and apparently some of my friends are having the same issues. The night ended with some delicious chocolate chip cookies so overall I would say it was a success.

All Off

2008-08-27T16:45:00.000-07:00

I love old movies and one of my favorites is Roman Holiday. In it Audrey Hepburn plays a princess who wants to take a break from her duties and be a regular everyday girl. She takes some time for herself and does some wonderfully entertaining things. One of the first things she does is get her hair cut. She sits down in the chair and says, "All off." It is a change that is shocking but beautiful, and done for herself alone.

Yesterday I decided that I wanted a dramatic hair cut. I didn't tell anyone about it. It was a decision I made all on my own without looking for anyone's input or affirmation. It felt fabulous! Who knew a secret haircut could be so liberating? I guess Audrey Hepburn did.

Psych of Personality 101

2008-08-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

I took a test recently and I think I'm an INFJ. Only about one percent of the population is
Introverted
iNtuitive
Feeling
Judging.
One description that I found particularily interesting said that INFJ's are "intense and tightly wound." Yep, that's me!

Everday Normal Girl

2008-08-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

I'm just a regular everyday normal girl.

I live in an apartment with my twin.
In an arm wrestling match with a girl I might win.
The car that I drive is 9 years old.
It's a nice blue color, but the mirrors are gold.

If you have a pet parakeet put your hands up.

If you want to see an everday normal guy go here. But let me first warn you that there is some bad language and a few crude parts. Still, I can't help liking it for the irony.

A lot has been happening

2008-07-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Ali and I finally got our dining set from IKEA. Of course, getting furniture from IKEA means you have to put it together yourself. So that's what we did. I call this "The Evolution of the Chair." But before that...

I spent a day in the mountains courtesy of my dad, a great mountain man (beard and all). We fished and I shot a rifle for the first time. Only two fish were caught and they were both released. Mine was a nice 14 inch German Brown Trout. But before that...

Heather and Danny got married! It was a lovely wedding and we all looked pretty good in our tiffany blue and pearls. But before that...

Heather had a super fun Bachelorette weekend in Napa. Not too many of the girls were actually interested in tasting the wine, but we did taste a few exceptional Moscatos. This is at Mondavi's, the last one of the trip.

I have been doing so many great things and spending time with my wonderful friends, but work has been very stressful and I've been doing a lot of introspection. Those last two things combined mean I am daily fighting a melancholy that makes me not much fun to be around. Maybe I hide it well, but if you think of it please send some prayers or pleasant thoughts my way. I am very thankful for all the people that love me enough to listen to my whining, and if you haven't had the opportunity to do that yet, just give me a call.

Unsolved Mystery

2008-06-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

Who can guess what I'm drinking and whether or not I liked it? If you guess correctly, I'll buy you a drink of whatever color you like.

Midwest in Photos

2008-06-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

Not long ago I went on a trip to visit my family in Michigan. I also went to Chicago overnight with little Ali. It was great fun. So here's a quick update in pictures.

I went wine tasting there! Who knew you could do that? I am sitting with my grandma having lunch at Tabor Winery, the most popular one in Michigan.

Then we went to Chicago. Almost every way you looked there was a beautiful skyline. This is the view from our hotel.

We had to make a stop at the Art Institute of Chicago to see their world class collection of Impressionist and Post Impressionist art. The one above is "Poppy Field" by Monet.

But of course, the best part was the family. These are almost all of my Michigan cousins.

On a lighter note...

2008-05-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

Literally. I have new boyfriend and he is as light as a feather (pun very much intended). Kiwi actually kind of likes me now! He even gave me a little kiss... on the lips!

The Rack

2008-05-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not talking about the discount clothing store. No, the rack I'm talking about is the device used for torture mainly in the Middle Ages. Basically this mechanism was used to pull on a person's arms and legs to stretch or dislocate them. According to Wikipedia, it could go further than that: "Eventually, if the application of the rack is continued, the victim's limbs are ripped right off." I feel a little bit like I'm on a metaphysical rack. I don't think I'm going to lose a limb from it, but I do feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions.

Garden Party

2008-04-26T09:08:00.001-07:00

Just because I'm going to a garden party today and because the original "Tea Partay" was so good... I now present "Green Tea Partay," the West Coast way.

Peter Burnett Elementary Class of '96

2008-04-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

That was the team name at Whiskey Wild's trivia this past Tuesday night. I got to catch up with some guys that I hadn't seen in 12 years.

From left to right: Pha, Ky, Ali, Hanh, Amy, and me. And as a bonus... we won! It was all because I had done some research on Jack Daniels Whiskey and had a hunch that they made their own barrels.

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

A little while ago I told a 1st grader that I didn't have TV stations. His response was, "What do you do?!" Tragic. Today, however, I went on a hike by Folsom Lake with some kids. It was super fun. The wildflowers there were gorgeous.

20 Minutes

2008-04-12T23:42:00.000-07:00

As of this morning I am hairless. At least on my legs.

When Hairy Met Rachel

2008-04-09T22:04:00.000-07:00

In the past I have let my leg hair grow out for many different reasons. There was curiosity to see how long it would get. I used it to help keep me warm during the cold Spokane winters. I have even done it once or twice as a social statement about how women shouldn't be required to shave their legs to be thought of as feminine and attractive. I haven't shaved my legs since the beginning of March, but this time it's just because I haven't gotten the chance.

Engaged is an epidemic, but I don't have the fever

2008-04-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have noticed lately a number of acquaintances and friends have gotten engaged. In light of this I decided to conduct a little experiment to see if Facebook could tell me how many of my friends were engaged. What it told me was that 160 of my friends or people from Whitworth are engaged. What?! I started looking through them and found so many that I had no idea were even close to being engaged. Well, I have been out of touch with Whitworth for some time, but still... It was shocking! I'm glad for all of you out there who have found someone who you feel comfortable and ready to decide to SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE with. I however, am not even close. All the single girls out there say "Hey!"

My Favorite Easter Memory

2008-03-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

One Sunday morning a few years ago, I went to the sunrise service that my church, Fremont Presbyterian, always has by the river. It is a unique service and it feels extra special because we are outside in the early morning with a bunch of people who are all part of our church family(including the band with all of their equipment!). On this particular Sunday morning, Geordie, a former associate pastor, was giving the benediction. When he was just about finished, the rickety wooden cross the high schoolers had used on their latest mission trip fell over. There was a moment of surprise in which people were trying to decide how to respond. Jamie, the pastor's son decided what to do first. He shouted, "He is risen!" And we all shouted back, "He is risen indeed!" When I think of that morning I reminds me of how Christ conquered the cross and it cannot stand up next to God's power and glory.

Wide Open Spaces

2008-03-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile because.... we moved! That's right, it's official, I now have my own bedroom and bathroom! Instead of sharing a 2 bed 1 bath house with 2 other people, I'm sharing a 2 bed 2 bath apartment with one person (my sister!) and a lot of boxes. I know there are lots of exclamation points, but I'm excited!

Filling Empty Spaces

2008-03-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

I've never moved into a completely empty home of my own before. When I went away to school they provided all the furniture. When I moved into a house with my friends they provided most of the furniture. For my bedroom I used a mattress I found in the garage and some ply wood from another friend. Real high class, I know. Now, soon, my sister and I are going to be moving into an apartment together. The applications are being turned in today so as long as nothing goes wrong we should be approved by this weekend. Then we have to begin the arduous task of filling an apartment. This time I do have a bed, but we don't exactly have a dining room set or a couch. Things are coming together, though, with donations from our parents and things we've had since childhood. Mostly I'm excited, but there is that part of me that is a little overwhelmed by the changes this new situation will bring to my life. Well, you have to move out of your parents house at some point, right? Definitely! If anyone has tips on how to live cheap, send them my way.

Gum, Catch, and Trivia

2008-02-26T20:09:00.000-08:00

1. It's felt kind of like I have a wad of gum stuck in the back of my throat for the past few days.
2. I played catch outside today and it was wonderful.
3. Tonight is trivia night at Whiskey Wild. My team won first prize for their very first trivia event!

That's the update.

Pictionary This!

2008-02-12T14:29:00.000-08:00

+ ing

+

= what went wrong on my car today.

Lental Update

2008-02-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

First of all, Lent ends on Palm Sunday... who knew?! So it's apparently 40 days which is what I thought, but when I counted on the calender I got 45. Oh well. Secondly, on the very first day of Lent, the teacher of the 1st grade class I work with bought me a mocha. I couldn't refuse the gift so I took it and drank it. Some of you may think me weak, but I think God understands.

The Next 45 Days

2008-02-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of Lent. The carnival is over and it is time for some somber reflection on the sacrifice God made on that first Good Friday a long time ago. The spiritual exercise that is normally practiced to help us remember God's sacrifice is to give up something in our own lives. I have forsaken many things in the past: TV, sweets, soda, etc. This year I have chosen something that I turn to when I feel like I need a little pick-me-up or some pampering. That is... COFFEE. I have some deliciously sweet and warm coffee beverage at least a couple times every week. This one is going to be hard for me, but I hope that it will cause some thoughtfulness about the comfort that God is in my life. Coffee, you are a false idol and I cast you down to the pit of unnecessary things. The next 45 days are coffee-free for me.

Happy Compostela Day!

2008-01-28T21:57:00.000-08:00

A year ago today, Tori, Alison and I rode/pushed our bikes the last 3.5 miles to Santiago de Compostela. We found the Cathedral and stood in front of it for a few moments before doing anything else. I had an incredible feeling of accomplishment and amazement and relief. We had reached the end of the road that we had been preparing for and travelling on for the past 8 months or more. So much time and energy went into and finally we were done. It was a relief and felt like I was receiving a blessing just in being there. The pilgrim's mass was wonderful and we sang about announcing our salvation. I felt like I had only gotten there by God's grace. I was skeptical practically the whole way about being capable of riding my bike 550 miles across Spain, but every day we made it to our destination and on this day we arrived. It was and still is a little unbelievable.

Bonds (other than Barry)

2008-01-24T14:44:00.000-08:00

This time last year I was nearing the end of my journey to Santiago de Compostella. Alison has dubbed Jan. 28th Compostella Day because that is the day we arrived in Santiago and received our Compostellas. Now we get pass on Purgatory or something like that.

I recently got an e-mail from my friend, Markus, who I met along the road and whom Alison referenced in her blog as well. I almost cried when I read his message written in broken English. I remember the openness that the road created between us. The fact that we were all pilgrims going to the same place meant that there was a link. Despite the language barrier and the age difference, we formed bonds with Markus, a lovely Italian couple and a French/Portugese man currently living in Canada. They became my friends who are forever etched on my heart even though I may never see them or speak to some of them again.

I can't wait to visit with Tori this weekend and celebrate our trip. What an experience and what wonderful people I shared it with!

This is a picture or Tori's popped tire and Alison being so helpful. We're getting so close!

Decisions, Decisions

2008-01-18T15:10:00.001-08:00

Well, the cord on my fantastic hand-me-down brick of a computer went kaput. That means the one computer that got decent internet at my house no longer works. I've got a choice to make: either invest around $100 to buy a new cord for my old computer, or drop a few hundred on getting a new one. Thoughts?

Pictures

2008-01-14T15:10:00.000-08:00

I hate trying to post pictures on this thing. I know it makes it more interesting to look at, but they end up in a weird format. Just look at the previous post. Well, here's another picture from the trip in Spain. It was in an albergue in Logrono.

A year ago today...

2008-01-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

... I was a pilgrim on the Camino de Santiago in Spain. This was actually the second day of the pilgrimage and one of the most tiring of the whole trip. I went with Tori and Alison, best friend and twin sister respectively, on our bikes (en bici). My bike was named Rocinantes, which is the name of Don Quixote's not-so-noble steed. It was a bike I bought on e-bay so it wasn't much to look at, but what a champion! In the picture we have (from left to right) Plata, Alison's bike named after the Lone Ranger's horse, Silver. Next is Babieca, Tori's bike, named after El Cid, a medieval Spanish hero's horse. And finally, good ole Rocinantes. They are loaded down with all of the belongings we had with us in Spain except for what we were wearing and what was in our camel backs.

That day we saw a few landmarks of the Camino. The first was a little, octagonal, Romanesque church called Aunate. It was a quiet place that had been a place for pilgrims to rest and pray for centuries. On the altar, a cloth was embroidered with the words "Venid a mi", which means "Come to me." It's like the passage that says come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest. I thought that was so appropriate for doing a pilgrimage. The next landmark was Puente la Reina or Bridge of the Queen. It was also very old like the church. And finally, at the end of the day we reached the fuente de vino. Some of you may recognize the word vino. Yes, it was a wine fountain set up for pilgrims. The story goes that if you drink from the wine fountain at Irache you will have the strength to make it all the way to Santiago de Compostela. I guess it worked because we eventually got there. More to come on that later. The fountain was basically a spigot that came out of a wall and was impossible to drink from without getting the wine all over your face.

At the end of such a long and difficult day (we traveled about 36 miles) it was a very welcome treat as you can tell by my face.

Puke and Punches

2008-01-02T23:16:00.000-08:00

Today at work I was puked on, screamed at, and beat up. No, I don't work in a bar. I do, however, work with children who have autism. It's going to be a long week.

Partay!

2008-01-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

For New Years this year I spent the evening with a few friends. We played a drinking game while we waited for the countdown to 2008. Those of you who know me probably know that I'm not the biggest drinker. Don't get me wrong, I love me a good alcoholic beverage or two or even three, but I haven't been drunk very often in my life. Well, the game is called King's Cup and what you do is spread out a deck of cards all upside down. You take turns picking cards and they each mean something. For example, 8- pick a mate, so you pick someone to take a drink with you. 5 is a particularly exciting one where the person who selects the card gets to make a rule. Last night one of the rules that was made up very early on in the game was that whenever anyone took a drink, I had to take a drink. Yeah, that did it for me. I do remember everything that happened last night and I had a good time, but I did not ring in the new year very articulately. Cheers.

This Morning

2007-12-13T09:18:00.000-08:00

My fingers crossed, I pray,
Believing God does what he wants anyway,
Not seeing the two could meet today.

I want to stay home, just let me be,
My job is the only thing stopping me,
Someone else's time the fee.

I alter my prayer this time saying,
"God, you have the power to do some changing,
"So please, I know you can, give me today for resting."

I answered the phone with dread,
"Two friends will cover for you," she said.
Praise God, I'm free to stay in bed!

Addiction

2007-12-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

Addiction runs in my family. Some lean towards alcoholism, though everyone has been able to keep their jobs, homes, etc. Some can't quit smoking. There are also those who are drawn to absurd relationships that don't last. One aunt is addicted to traveling, something that people all over the world share with her. Now you may be asking yourself, "What is Rachel's addiction?" The answer: coffee shops. I am drawn to them like a kid to the swimming pool in summertime. While driving my eyes are constantly scanning for the familiar signs of Starbucks or Pete's. I keep notes in my head about where the nearest coffee shop is located. I do not exclusively seek the chain stores either. Tupelo and the Coffee Garden are other locales around Sacramento that have the pleasing atmosphere of a home grown, completely unique coffee shop. Currently I am enjoying the free wi-fi of It's a Grind in Elk Grove. The interesting thing about my addiction is that it's not the caffeine that enslaves me like so many others. Tonight I got some hot apple cider. It's something indescribable about the atmosphere. It's a public place where I can relax, drink something tasty, and either hang out with friends, read, or catch up on things online. A coffee shop is a treat no matter how many times I go.

I've been working on the autism spectrum, all the live long day...

2007-12-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I worked for about 10.5 hours and I was out of the house from 7:30am till about 8:30pm. Today I was away from home from 7:30am till about 5:15pm. Not bad. I'm glad to be keeping busy, even though I am getting a little tired. There is less time for brooding when you're busy. When you're as introspective as I am you have to be constantly on your guard against brooding. If you want to help me fill my social calender and avoid too many dark and weighty thoughts I would love to include you. I would love some good deep conversation about something other than relationship drama. Please.

Are you smarter than a junior higher?

2007-11-25T16:27:00.000-08:00

I found a link to The Blog Readability Test on someone else's blog a moment ago and with fear and trembling I tried it out. My score:

At least it wasn't elementary level like his. I guess I need to push myself to sound like I have a B.A.

Sometimes there are things I just can't change...

2007-11-22T08:22:00.000-08:00

... and that frustrates me more than anything in the world. If you give me a puzzle I will sit and work at it for hours if I feel like I'm making any kind of progress, and it is hard to pull myself away because I want to find the solution. I get obsessive. I want to be in the field of psychology because I want to help other people solve their problems. The only thing is, I don't know how to solve my own. I'm realizing more and more that people are mysterious and there are some things about the way we work and think and emote that are unexplainable. At least for me. I know psychologists are doing studies all the time to find out patterns of how people work, but there isn't one theory that explains everything about the human psyche. There isn't even a combination that can! All that is to say I feel frustrated, anxious and angry right now and I don't know what to do about it.

Car Trouble?

2007-11-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I was looking forward to going to a wedding in Santa Barbara for a number of reasons. First of all, it's Santa Barbara and I haven't been to the beach in years. Second of all, I love a good road trip with friends. My sister, friend Heather, and I left Friday evening in a van belonging to Heather's mom. We were about 2 1/2 hours into our trip when the acceleration began feeling irregular. I was behind the wheel at this point. We pulled over on the side of I-5 in the middle of Nowhere, CA and discovered that the car was not going to move anywhere. For the next 2 1/2 hours we sat in the van waiting for a tow truck to find us while semis driving by gently rocked us. Turns out we weren't really sure where we were, and after talking to a rude emergency dispatcher (I called 911 for the first time in my life) and 3 or 4 tow truck companies we were found and taken to the nearest hotel. The town and the next day is another story that maybe my sister will tell. As for my luck with cars, there is more to the story. Last night, the dash of my car started to go berserk. Then this morning I started it and it was acting funny again. I couldn't get it to shift so I turned it off to try again only to find that the engine wasn't firing up at all, but my windshield wipers were moving feebly even though they weren't on. I called my dad and told him about my possessed car. Of course, after I had it towed out to his shop I learned that it only needed a new alternator and I was on the road again before noon. The moral of the story is if for some reason you are thinking of letting me drive your car, hold on to those keys!

As a side note, according to iTunes the theme song for today is "Company Car". Yeah, I know.

Musical Answers

2007-11-08T11:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I play the iTunes game. This is how you play:

1) Set your iTunes library on shuffle
2) Make a statement like "My mom's theme song" or ask a question like "What's the weather going to be like today?"
3) Hit play and see what song comes up. That song is the theme song or answer to your question and should be interpreted immediately.

You can ask iTunes anything and get all kinds of answers. This morning I started with what I always start with: theme song for the day. The title that popped up was "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)". That doesn't sound promising. Usually the answers aren't that clear or obvious, but they are always fun. I'll let you know how it goes today.

Average

2007-11-05T21:47:00.000-08:00

Whenever I get sick I think, "This is the worst kind of sickness. I feel like I can't do anything!" The thing is, every sickness can't be the worst. It's the concept of average. For instance, most people think they are above average in appearance. That just can't be the case. So most likely you're average. It's okay, we can be average together. Anyway, I spent the first 4 days of November at home feeling slightly nauseous. It's over now. Today I went to work and life went back to normal.

Ninjas or something better?

2007-10-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

This morning I decided to look for ninjas on youtube and I found some.... sort of.

It's just incredible that people can do this. I watched video after video of guys doing this everywhere for fun. It's called parkour or free running and I love it.

Thrill of a Lifetime

2007-10-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

"Indeed it is only too easy to forget that there is a thrill in theism."

G. K. Chesterton in The Everlasting Man

Sometimes faith can get old and stagnant. As a Christian I have heard stories from the Bible over and over again and they don't surprise or excite me as easily as they used to. Occasionally I will come across one of those obscure stories (generally in the Old Testament) about some amazing thing God or one of his servants did, like when Samson lit foxes' tails on fire and sent them to burn up the Philistine's food stores (check out Judges 15!). But really, theism, the fact that there is one God and he created everything, is astonishing. When I don't let that concept slip into the back parts of my mind it is incredible and thrilling. Chesterton was specifically trying to make the point that theism is just as thrilling, if not more thrilling, than polytheism. In theism, that one God has to be impressive. He can't be a wimpy, half-god, or be tricked or confused by other Gods. It's just Him, knowing everything and being everywhere. These days people are less distracted by polytheism and more distracted by everything else going on in their lives. Busyness allows us to forget about God altogether, or at least put Him on the back burner of our minds so we don't give Him the attention that would excite us. God is using Chesterton, this beautiful Sacramento fall, and the people around me to get my attention again. It's working and I'm thrilled.

Playground Romance

2007-10-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

I hang out with first graders almost every day. Last week I saw a boy and a girl playing around all recess long, just the two of them. It reminded me of when I was in first grade and had a crush on a boy in my class. We played together every recess. I started to feel nostalgic for that innocent affection when the best thing in the world was to climb on the monkey bars together. Loss of innocence is so painful to think about. The world all of a sudden becomes much less carefree. It becomes a dark and scary place with nowhere to hide. It would be so easy to go through life without hope if you thought your only resource was yourself. I'm glad I know about something else. Even so, I need a lot of reminding.

Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

Reading Rainbow

2007-10-21T17:02:00.000-07:00

I have been putting together a list of books to read for about a year now. It has over 100 titles on it. I've stopped looking for more books to put on it because I am working my way so slowly through it as it is. I just get so excited about all the interesting stories that are out there. Lately I've been interested in memoir type books, but I also like finding the classics that have made up the staple diet of literature for a longer period of time. You know, those timeless books that have adventure and love and tragedy. I'm not actually sure I know what a classic is. Usually I think of books like Jane Eyre (which I loved!) and The Three Musketeers (which was my latest purchase). Still, I like perusing the Borders 2 for 3 table with its variety of new paperback novels, memoirs, commentaries, as well as stories that have been around for awhile. I just love books. It's too bad I get so easily distracted by the TV. I hate the TV, but it seems to pull me in so often. I know, I know, "Get control of yourself!" I keep trying. Alright, enough. I'll stop whining and get back to reading.
Currently reading and on deck:

Into San Francisco

2007-10-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

I went to San Francisco last weekend and saw a few things:

1. The lighthouse at Point Reyes National Seashore. Lovely. Short for a lighthouse.
2. Lots of seagulls. Gross but entertaining.
3. Into the Wild. Haunting.

I didn't know what I was getting into when I sat down to watch Into the Wild. It was explained to me that it was about a guy who traveled all around the US and eventually went to Alaska to live off the land. Great. Sounds like an adventure story. It's a true story and especially because of that, the ending was tragically ironic and haunting. Still, it was a good story. I don't want to give away the ending, but I will share something I was able to take away from it (other than lost sleep): Happines is best when shared. I think I know that one already, but sometimes I think we can all forget to appreciate the people we have to share our happiness with. I'll try to remember.

The Miracle of the Sun

2007-10-13T16:53:00.000-07:00

I'm not totally sure I believe this, but I think it is good that some people did. I want to believe that miraculous things can happen around me, too.

Sometimes...

2007-10-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

... I wonder if I'm just talking to myself. It's probably my fault if no one is reading this because I have been so inconsistent. It's actually a technical problem. I didn't have consistent internet for awhile. Now I'm filching it from one of the neighbors. Shhhh....

Seasons

2007-10-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

I wrote this in my journal awhile ago and just found it again today. It seems to match the changing of the seasons that is going on now.

I sat on the couch looking out the window. I could see the wind whipping the leaves off the trees. They had been beautiful reds and oranges against the bright blue sky just last week. Then the wind came. It brought clouds. The leaves dried up and turned a dull brown color. There was some remnant, some hint of brightness left as a hearken to better weather, better days. I felt as melancholy as ever seeing this season of change. It was a slow dying of the world. Winter was taking the happiness of fall in its cold hand and slowly smothering the life out of it with the heavy blanket of clouds and the unfriendly wind.

I thought of so many things that had faded from my life. My grandfather slowly being taken by cancer. He had a couple of winters that gave way to springs, but finally the winter conquered his poor, tired body. His bones had softened and his muscles had grown weak. Now his body is melting back into the earth, while his soul enjoys eternal summer. Or is it spring? Grandpa has come to new life. Is he fully matured in his new life, or is he fresh like a bud just beginning to open up to the spring world of light and warmth?

What else had faded? The confidence in God had slipped away as quietly as the leaves had fallen. There were so many questions about Him now. I don't understand how to trust Him when horrible, difficult things happen all around me. My confidence in Him started to leave when he didn't want to kiss me anymore. Was it punishment for liking him too much? Was is just a lesson? Another stepping stone bringing me closer to God? Summer had come. I had felt loved and desired. That matured into the slower, brighter days of fall when he said he was falling in love with me. It was a time of knowing what my life was about. Then the winter wind came and blew the brightness away. There was only cold and darkness left behind. The brisk wind kept me awake, but I was being chilled to the bone. I just wanted to go to sleep. How could God have made the world so much more dim? Why had He taken that vibrancy, that warmth away?

As I looked out the window I thought maybe there is beauty in the harshness of winter. Maybe that wind brings a freshness to life. It clears away the old to make way for the new. I looked out the window wanting spring to come, and knowing that it would. Someday after I felt that winter would never end it would come. It would come.

It has come.

Serenity

2007-09-30T12:08:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago my dad got a set of DVDs from a customer. It was called Firefly. Firefly had been a TV show that didn't get very much attention at all when it was actually on TV and got canceled, but once it went to DVD became much more popular. The people that came to love Firefly wanted to see more so it was made into a movie called Serenity. I love the show and the movie... an embarrassing amount. Still, I want to share something with the 3 of you that actually read this blog: a look at Serenity.

Roots

2007-09-23T21:45:00.001-07:00

Fall is officially here in about 2 hours and I'm so ready for it. There has been rain and it is so refreshing. This fall weather makes me want to stay inside and get all cozy with a book. I know, so cliche. Staying inside means hanging out with the family more, which I am also currently glad to do. Living with my dad again has it's ups and downs. He's not as tidy as one might hope. Also, the house isn't particularly inviting for company. My sister and I go out a lot. Which means more driving. Oh well. Some of the ups are... well... family. I feel closer to my dad now than ever before. Also we have a scrappy little kitty. She's 16 years old and looks a little arthritic these days, but I love her dearly. I've been feeling very happy about being in my hometown again. I moved back and forth between school and home and camp that I got out of touch with Sacramento. Now I'm back and thinking I might be here for awhile.

Opportunities

2007-08-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a man talked to a group of young people about taking opportunities even if they are bad ones. He read the story of Paul being on trial for his life and taking that opportunity to give his testimony and tell them about Jesus. That would generally be thought of as a bad opportunity. He also reminded us of God's promise that men will hate us. Isn't that a great one?! That will really draw people in. But really... I want to take more opportunities. I don't want to be typical annoying, Bible pushing Christian, though. I'll keep trying.

The Contract

2007-08-22T17:22:00.000-07:00

Way back in May I was getting so excited about moving back to Sactown and living with my dear little twin sister again. Now I've been living with her for about 3 months, and I'm still not sick of her. One of the reasons why I was excited about living with her was because I had high hopes we would be able to keep each other accountable to living well... watching our money, keeping up with the spiritual disciplines, eating well, cleaning our poor little house... Until a couple days ago that wasn't really happening. Then we wrote a contract. This is the Bible verse we wrote on it:

"Give me understanding, that I may keep thy law and observe it with my whole heart."
Psalm 119:34.

So far it's been working. Thank God for people around us that can help. And for the excitement of living in a way that is pleasing to God.

Driving Miss Rachel

2007-08-07T15:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I drove to Auburn. On accident. Auburn is about an hour away from Sacramento and I made it there in about 45 min because I didn't want to be late for a session in El Dorado Hills. Turns out I was on the wrong highway. Despite my speeding I was about 30 minutes late. Yikes! I've grown up in Sacramento but I don't know my way around all the different highways and surrounding cities. Now I know for sure where El Dorado Hills is.

Still nervous about doing therapy. Still doing it anyway.

Kitties and Kiddies

2007-08-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

This past week I've been working two jobs. It always happens that way for me: I'll be unemployed to the point of almost completely living off the charity of my family and friends and then suddenly I'll have multiple jobs. This time around I've been house and kitty sitting as well as continuing my training with CARD.

The kitties are beautiful but they like to jump up on me while I'm sleeping and rub my face with theirs. Needless to say, my night time situation hasn't been as relaxing as I might have hoped and my eyes are really itchy. There are four of them so I spend a lot of my time wandering around the house checking in with each of them. They are all Tonkinese and are very soft and intelligent. They open cupboards and closets and can get themselves into amazing places around the house. One even jumps from the floor to my arms. Here are some pictures of the boys: Spike and Neeko, respectively.

As for my work at CARD, I passed the field exam and am now doing sessions one-on-one with kids. I am a bundle of nerves. I don't know a lot of the kids I am working with so it's hard to understand what they want or need because most of the time they can't communicate very clearly. I'm glad I have this job, but I know that until I get the hang of it I will be pumping myself up before each session and trying not to have a heart attack because of anxiety. I want to do a good job, but I still have so much to learn and improve on. So far everyone has been very understanding and encouraging. And I actually feel like this is something I'm supposed to be doing... for myself as much as for the kids I'll be working with.

2 Weeks of Training and a Wedding

2007-07-24T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've been a busy girl lately. I got a job. Yay! I'm no longer laying around the house all day. I feel slightly useful. I also feel a little intimidated. I'm training to be an autism therapist. I have to reinforce good behaviors and not reinforce problem behaviors. I have to learn all kinds of drills and how to speak in a demanding (or at least commanding) voice. But the kids are cute. And I'm glad that I can do something that will help kids and their families.

Also, Tori and Geoff got married! It was a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful time. We were a good looking bridal party I must say, and Tori and Geoff just looked so happy. Tori was absolutely stunning. Her veil was the focus of many compliments. I'm so thankful for being a part of that joyful occassion. Here's a picture from Chris Humphreys' blog. He was a fabulous photographer and Alison got to intern with him a little when she lived in Santa Barbara.

A Little Q&A without the A

2007-06-19T13:16:00.000-07:00

Hearing about other people loving others in a self-sacrificing way makes my heart beat a little faster and my eyes tear up. I want to be like that. Am I? I know that's the kind of person that God wants me to be, but am I learning from Him how to do that? Am I using what he has given me to help others? I don't know.

As I have alluded to in the previous post, I don't think I'm using my time very well. Who am I helping by staying at home every day. I'm not even helping my family around the house much and I'm the one that's here all the time. What am I doing with my education? What do I even want to do with it in the long run? I need a little upheaval in my life. Less TV and more time spent being loving and helpful to myself and others. I think I need to get some things straight before I can give fully of myself to those around me. I don't want to use that as an excuse, though. There is a fine line between keeping yourself healthy and just being selfish about your time. I don't think I've got that one quite right yet.

Sometimes I wish God would just give me all the answers... but He doesn't work that way. Most of the time it doesn't seem like He has a specific answer anyway. It's usually, "Follow me. Be with me. Keep talking to me." Those are good enough, I guess.

Epic struggle against heat and dial up internet

2007-06-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

I've been back in Sacramento for a little while now and already a lot has happened.

My mom got married. I was here to help her move her belongings to her new home and help set up for the reception and calm raw nerves on the day of. Of course, it is an unusual experience seeing your mom get married, but it seems like she is very happy and that makes me feel happy, too.

There is also the continual battle of trying to get all of my possessions to fit back into my dad's little house (the house I grew up in) where it was already crowded with just my sister and dad. I'm back to sharing a room and closet and drawers and clothes. Another fun tidbit about the house... it doesn't have any air conditioning. Current temperature in Sacramento: 98 degrees. That's why I'm hanging out in a coffee shop. The coffee shop has wi-fi, something the little house is also missing.

I'm currently unemployed, which means I spend a lot of time reading Les Miserables (because I still haven't finished it after 3 months now) and watching Firefly with my sister. I love the theme song, by the way. My social calendar is getting full, but I won't have money to do fun things for much longer unless I find a job.

I like being with my family again. I'm getting settled, but still trying to figure out how to use my time well and be motivated to get things done. Hopefully my life will have more structure some time soon.

Celebrate Good Times

2007-05-22T11:46:00.000-07:00

Tori graduated this last Sunday... so we celebrated. I got to hang out with her parents and brother and aunt and fiance all evening. After the last ceremony for Whitworth College graduates, we all went to Nikos, a wonderful Greek restaurant here in Spokane. We were ushered into a private room and the only menu we were given was the 20 page wine list. So we got some wine. The deal was they were just going to start bringing us food so we could sit back and enjoy each others' company. Let me tell you, that was the most exciting meal I have ever participated in. It lasted about 3 hours and Ryan, our friendly waiter, kept coming back with more dishes of food. We cheered for him each time. At one point he brought a Sockeye Salmon fillet on a silver platter. What?! Not to mention the authentic tzatziki sauce and the salad with a deliciously sweet balsamic dressing and the lamb. We ended up taking bags of food with us when we left. We also ordered 3 different types of wine throughout the evening, one from La Rioja, the wine region of Spain. Our entertainment was trying to drop the wine cork so it would stand on it's end. John, Tori's brother, got 11 in a row. We were cheering for him the whole way. After dinner, we went to the hotel where Tori's family was staying and down to the bar there to get some Mac & Jack's. It is a great ale brewed in Western Washington. Basically, by the end of the night most of us were a little tipsy and we were all very glad that we had spent that time together celebrating Tori's accomplishments. Congrats Tori and thanks for letting me share these great times with you.

I went to a roller skating rink tonight

2007-05-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

I was there for at least 3 hours with some kids that I work with. It was interesting to see kids from the age of 6 up through high school singing along with the cuss words in the songs that were being played. And then there were the pre-adolescent girls shaking their little pre-adolescent booties. It made me sad to see these young people act in ways that seemed beyond their age. I was a little shocked at the lack of innocence I saw.

Then there were the times when the kids I brought helped out the really small ones who got knocked down on the rink. Unexpected tenderness and caring is a much better surprise. All in all, it was a good night. And that was unexpected, too.

Moving

2007-05-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

There isn't very much furniture in the common areas of our house anymore. Of course I knew this day was coming, but it still managed to surprise me a bit. It got me thinking about how soon we will all be moved out and going our separate ways. It has been great with my housemates and having time to think about my life while living in Spokane. I still don't have much figured out. I have a lot of room to make choices about my future. It seems like a blank slate and I am being challenged to not be afraid about what could be drawn there. People are capable of so much more than they give themselves credit for. I've worked for months at a facility that I was afraid to apply to because the kids have serious problems. I rode my bike across Northern Spain in a month. I planned a fun-filled bridal shower when I had never been to one. So in a couple weeks I'll have to start the job search again and move back to California to start another chapter of my life. It's not going to be anything I can't handle. Moving out and moving on. Further up and further in.

Devolution

2007-05-08T10:35:00.000-07:00

According to dictionary.com:
dev·o·lu·tion
–noun
the transfer of power or authority from a central government to a local government.

A little over a year ago I went to Northern Ireland on a study program. It was called Religion, Peace, and Conflict. We had studied the complicated history of Northern Ireland and learned about it's ambiguous position in the United Kingdom before we left the states so that when we got there we could ask the people involved about their past experiences and hopes for the future. One day we went to Stormont, the beautiful parliament building that was sitting unused because the leaders of the different political parties could not stand to be in the same building. We talked with representatives from the four major parties for what seemed like the whole day. The DUP rep said that they would probably never become a united Ireland and it would take a long time to trust Sinn Fein. The Sinn Fein rep said he saw Northern Ireland being united with the Republic of Ireland during his lifetime. After hearing all sides of the story I was left with a feeling of hopelessness. How could these parties ever come to a point of understanding and cooperation?

Today I saw this in the news: Historic return for NI Assembly. Wow.

Lament of a Flooded Bedroom

2007-05-05T00:23:00.000-07:00

We share a wall, the laundry room and I
Generally, he's the noisy sort of neighbor
But we manage to live side by side.
Then one day, his cup runneth over.
With a fan and some towels it took me 5 days to dry.
Next time, it was the pipe for the sprinkler
And it took me 10 hours to notice this time.
A spot on the carpet, a shade of brown deeper.
Now in the corner abandoned, as if I wanted to hide
And they've set up camp in the living room, which is higher.

Les Mis

2007-05-03T15:23:00.000-07:00

I am currently working my way through the unabridged version of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. I'm not even halfway through it on page 513, but it has been an enjoyable read so far. It has taken me about a month and a half to get this far and I think part of that has to do with how daunting it can be to hold a book that is over a thousand pages long. A few days ago at work a kid asked me what the book was like. I explained to him what a geometric tangent was (a line that is connected to another line but shoots off in it's own direction) and then said this book was full of tangents. He laughed. It was particularly hard getting through a 45 page section on the battle of Waterloo where the only relevant part was a short interaction between characters on the last page. Still, I am enjoying getting to know the characters and the themes of redemption and the struggle to figure out what is right have been very interesting.

To help me get into the spirit a little more I took a couple quizzes. If you are familiar with the story from the book or the musical you might enjoy finding out which major and minor characters you resemble. I am like Jean Valjean and Sister Simplice. I wasn't even going for all the religious answers.

Spring is Relative

2007-04-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Spring has officially been here for over a month now. Sometimes that is not a reality in Spokane. Well, I guess it's just not the Spring that I think of when I hear the word. Growing up in Sacramento the lilacs would be blooming for my birthday at the end of March. In Spokane (the lilac capital of the world) lilacs don't bloom until May. In Sacramento people start where T-shirts and flip-flops in the 70 and 80 degree weather of March and April. In Spokane people start wearing flip-flops and T-shirts at the same time but it is only in the 60s and we are only imagining that we are warm. Today it is sunny and in the mid 60s and I feel like shaving my legs and putting shorts on. I guess even weather is relative sometimes.

Tori took this picture in the English Department Garden at Whitworth.

Counter Intuitive

2007-04-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading through the Gospel of Mark and then I am going to go through it again with the commentary written by Jim Edwards, a professor from Whitworth and great Markian scholar. Today I read the part where Peter denies Jesus 3 times after Jesus has been arrested and is being beaten. I was struck by how horrible it would feel to be abandoned by your closest friends in such a desperate hour of your life. I can imagine Peter's shame when he hears the rooster crow and realizes that Jesus was right about him. It makes me wonder why in the world Jesus would stick by us and continue to love us when we are such jerks sometimes, being guided by fear or selfishness. Then Peter became a great evangelist and the Rock of the Church. WOW! God does not make sense to me much of the time, but it gives me hope that he can use me and still thinks it's worthwhile to love and help me. Sometimes His forgiveness is so overwhelming or counter intuitive that I'm not sure I can accept it or that it's real. Thank God it is real and present even when I don't think about it.

The Future

2007-04-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

I work at Excelsior Youth Center. Today I went to a new employee orientation for 7 1/2 hours even though I've worked there 4 months now. It actually wasn't that bad. One enjoyable thing was meeting the CEO for the first time. He talked to us about his job and purpose there, etc. He also said that his mission statement for the place is to "connect these kids with their future." He explained that you can't change what happened in the past, and for these kids the past is scarring and painful for the most part. So our job is to try to help them realize that they can work towards a better future. On any given shift I feel like we are just trying to make it through another few hours, but I hope that on the whole my mission in working there would be to help the kids I hang out with see that they are good because they are human and their lives can and do have unlimited value and purpose. Even if it isn't always tangible or practical, the hope is there.

Music Lesson

2007-04-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

Today I would like to commemorate some important happenings in music history:

1) Tchaikovsky completes his famous ballet, "Swan Lake," in 1876

2) The Blues Brothers (Dan Akroyd and John Belushi) make their first appearance on Saturday Night Live in 1978

QOTD

2007-04-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day:

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -Victor Borge

My friend Alayna uses a variant of this one all the time. It is a good idea and a great truth. I like laughing. Here's something that makes me laugh...

Bringing People Together

2007-04-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

Spread the good news!

No More Whitworth

2007-04-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

I graduated from Whitworth College almost a year ago (man has time flown by) and the college graciously allowed me to continue using my Whitworth e-mail account... until now. I knew this day was coming, but I didn't know it would come so soon and so abruptly. I checked my e-mail this morning and I found an inbox that had none of my old messages in it and only one new one. So please, if you want to stay in contact with me use my gmail account: rlgraff@gmail.com

Pet Owner's Day

2007-04-18T23:36:00.000-07:00

Apparently it is Pet Owner's Day. I have no idea who decided that, but I can celebrate. I am a pet owner. I have been estranged from my darling on and off for the last 3 years since I have lived part time in Spokane. I think she still likes me even though I've been away and... well... she's a cat. Meet Gigi.

She's about 14 years old, she only likes people she's familiar with and doesn't like other animals at all, and she has thumbs. I think she's great, but I don't expect you to share my opinion. In fact, if you met her I bet you wouldn't.

Great Comeback

2007-04-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

I was just perusing the National Geographic website (as my sister taught me to do) and I came across these guys...

They are Siberian tigers which, according to the article "Biggest Tiger Pounces Back from Brink" on NG's website, almost went extinct in the early 1900s. There were 40 of them. Now there are 600. That's a great comeback.

NGGP Returns

2007-04-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

My friends, Tori and Geoff, and I had another global night. We decided to make it a truly global experience by going to Safeway and picking up some accouterments. These included: aged cheddar from Ireland (it was two years old!), multi-grain club crackers, and Fat Tire Ale. These we added to our stock of Sweet Maui Onion Potato chips, and Verona cookies. Ok, so basically everything except the cheese was from the US but at least the ale was inspired by a cycling trip through Belgium and the cookies have an Italian sounding name. We played it up and tonight I came back from being last place to being first. Nice. This really is one of the sweetest games I've ever played but we will soon have a major problem... We're running out of questions! You can help us by leaving your favorite geography questions as comments to this post.

Best question of the night... Category: Wild Card
"Which are yeti and Sasquatch? a) American Indian guides who helped American colonists, b) a comedy team famous in Chicago, Illinois, c) mysterious creatures some people claim to have seen"

National Geographic Global Pursuit

2007-04-13T11:40:00.000-07:00

My good friend Tori owns a game called National Geographic Global Pursuit. It's a geography game that was made in the 80s which means some of the answers are the Soviet Union or East and West Germany. It's really great fun. We played it on Easter and I want to share one of the best questions ever. It came from a Wild Card:

"If a three-toed sloth and a red kangaroo had a race, which would win?"

How did they come up with a question like that?! I don't know, but I'm so glad they did.

Deliberation

2007-04-12T13:30:00.000-07:00

So here I am, finally joining the blogging community. I deliberated for a long time about whether or not to do this. I deliberated on the title, too. I chose "My Portion" because of the verse in Lamentations that I love and want to live by. I also thought it was fitting because this is sort of my portion of the dialogue about life that goes on all the time. I deliberated about what kind of blogger I was going to be. I could be the kind that posts my profound thoughts about religion and the world and people and life. But I don't know if I would actually succeed in being profound. Or I could be the kind that posts bunches of fun things found in the farthest corners of the world wide web. But I don't think I have enough time to do that. I guess there's really no telling what's going to come out. I'll just be me and hopefully entertain or encourage a couple people along the way.