Ninjas or something better?

This morning I decided to look for ninjas on youtube and I found some.... sort of.



It's just incredible that people can do this. I watched video after video of guys doing this everywhere for fun. It's called parkour or free running and I love it.

Thrill of a Lifetime

"Indeed it is only too easy to forget that there is a thrill in theism."

G. K. Chesterton in The Everlasting Man

Sometimes faith can get old and stagnant. As a Christian I have heard stories from the Bible over and over again and they don't surprise or excite me as easily as they used to. Occasionally I will come across one of those obscure stories (generally in the Old Testament) about some amazing thing God or one of his servants did, like when Samson lit foxes' tails on fire and sent them to burn up the Philistine's food stores (check out Judges 15!). But really, theism, the fact that there is one God and he created everything, is astonishing. When I don't let that concept slip into the back parts of my mind it is incredible and thrilling. Chesterton was specifically trying to make the point that theism is just as thrilling, if not more thrilling, than polytheism. In theism, that one God has to be impressive. He can't be a wimpy, half-god, or be tricked or confused by other Gods. It's just Him, knowing everything and being everywhere. These days people are less distracted by polytheism and more distracted by everything else going on in their lives. Busyness allows us to forget about God altogether, or at least put Him on the back burner of our minds so we don't give Him the attention that would excite us. God is using Chesterton, this beautiful Sacramento fall, and the people around me to get my attention again. It's working and I'm thrilled.

Playground Romance

I hang out with first graders almost every day. Last week I saw a boy and a girl playing around all recess long, just the two of them. It reminded me of when I was in first grade and had a crush on a boy in my class. We played together every recess. I started to feel nostalgic for that innocent affection when the best thing in the world was to climb on the monkey bars together. Loss of innocence is so painful to think about. The world all of a sudden becomes much less carefree. It becomes a dark and scary place with nowhere to hide. It would be so easy to go through life without hope if you thought your only resource was yourself. I'm glad I know about something else. Even so, I need a lot of reminding.

Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

Reading Rainbow

I have been putting together a list of books to read for about a year now. It has over 100 titles on it. I've stopped looking for more books to put on it because I am working my way so slowly through it as it is. I just get so excited about all the interesting stories that are out there. Lately I've been interested in memoir type books, but I also like finding the classics that have made up the staple diet of literature for a longer period of time. You know, those timeless books that have adventure and love and tragedy. I'm not actually sure I know what a classic is. Usually I think of books like Jane Eyre (which I loved!) and The Three Musketeers (which was my latest purchase). Still, I like perusing the Borders 2 for 3 table with its variety of new paperback novels, memoirs, commentaries, as well as stories that have been around for awhile. I just love books. It's too bad I get so easily distracted by the TV. I hate the TV, but it seems to pull me in so often. I know, I know, "Get control of yourself!" I keep trying. Alright, enough. I'll stop whining and get back to reading.
Currently reading and on deck:

Into San Francisco

I went to San Francisco last weekend and saw a few things:

1. The lighthouse at Point Reyes National Seashore. Lovely. Short for a lighthouse.
2. Lots of seagulls. Gross but entertaining.
3. Into the Wild. Haunting.

I didn't know what I was getting into when I sat down to watch Into the Wild. It was explained to me that it was about a guy who traveled all around the US and eventually went to Alaska to live off the land. Great. Sounds like an adventure story. It's a true story and especially because of that, the ending was tragically ironic and haunting. Still, it was a good story. I don't want to give away the ending, but I will share something I was able to take away from it (other than lost sleep): Happines is best when shared. I think I know that one already, but sometimes I think we can all forget to appreciate the people we have to share our happiness with. I'll try to remember.

The Miracle of the Sun

I'm not totally sure I believe this, but I think it is good that some people did. I want to believe that miraculous things can happen around me, too.

Sometimes...

... I wonder if I'm just talking to myself. It's probably my fault if no one is reading this because I have been so inconsistent. It's actually a technical problem. I didn't have consistent internet for awhile. Now I'm filching it from one of the neighbors. Shhhh....

Seasons

I wrote this in my journal awhile ago and just found it again today. It seems to match the changing of the seasons that is going on now.

I sat on the couch looking out the window. I could see the wind whipping the leaves off the trees. They had been beautiful reds and oranges against the bright blue sky just last week. Then the wind came. It brought clouds. The leaves dried up and turned a dull brown color. There was some remnant, some hint of brightness left as a hearken to better weather, better days. I felt as melancholy as ever seeing this season of change. It was a slow dying of the world. Winter was taking the happiness of fall in its cold hand and slowly smothering the life out of it with the heavy blanket of clouds and the unfriendly wind.

I thought of so many things that had faded from my life. My grandfather slowly being taken by cancer. He had a couple of winters that gave way to springs, but finally the winter conquered his poor, tired body. His bones had softened and his muscles had grown weak. Now his body is melting back into the earth, while his soul enjoys eternal summer. Or is it spring? Grandpa has come to new life. Is he fully matured in his new life, or is he fresh like a bud just beginning to open up to the spring world of light and warmth?

What else had faded? The confidence in God had slipped away as quietly as the leaves had fallen. There were so many questions about Him now. I don't understand how to trust Him when horrible, difficult things happen all around me. My confidence in Him started to leave when he didn't want to kiss me anymore. Was it punishment for liking him too much? Was is just a lesson? Another stepping stone bringing me closer to God? Summer had come. I had felt loved and desired. That matured into the slower, brighter days of fall when he said he was falling in love with me. It was a time of knowing what my life was about. Then the winter wind came and blew the brightness away. There was only cold and darkness left behind. The brisk wind kept me awake, but I was being chilled to the bone. I just wanted to go to sleep. How could God have made the world so much more dim? Why had He taken that vibrancy, that warmth away?

As I looked out the window I thought maybe there is beauty in the harshness of winter. Maybe that wind brings a freshness to life. It clears away the old to make way for the new. I looked out the window wanting spring to come, and knowing that it would. Someday after I felt that winter would never end it would come. It would come.

It has come.

Serenity

Awhile ago my dad got a set of DVDs from a customer. It was called Firefly. Firefly had been a TV show that didn't get very much attention at all when it was actually on TV and got canceled, but once it went to DVD became much more popular. The people that came to love Firefly wanted to see more so it was made into a movie called Serenity. I love the show and the movie... an embarrassing amount. Still, I want to share something with the 3 of you that actually read this blog: a look at Serenity.

Roots

Fall is officially here in about 2 hours and I'm so ready for it. There has been rain and it is so refreshing. This fall weather makes me want to stay inside and get all cozy with a book. I know, so cliche. Staying inside means hanging out with the family more, which I am also currently glad to do. Living with my dad again has it's ups and downs. He's not as tidy as one might hope. Also, the house isn't particularly inviting for company. My sister and I go out a lot. Which means more driving. Oh well. Some of the ups are... well... family. I feel closer to my dad now than ever before. Also we have a scrappy little kitty. She's 16 years old and looks a little arthritic these days, but I love her dearly. I've been feeling very happy about being in my hometown again. I moved back and forth between school and home and camp that I got out of touch with Sacramento. Now I'm back and thinking I might be here for awhile.

Opportunities

Yesterday a man talked to a group of young people about taking opportunities even if they are bad ones. He read the story of Paul being on trial for his life and taking that opportunity to give his testimony and tell them about Jesus. That would generally be thought of as a bad opportunity. He also reminded us of God's promise that men will hate us. Isn't that a great one?! That will really draw people in. But really... I want to take more opportunities. I don't want to be typical annoying, Bible pushing Christian, though. I'll keep trying.

The Contract

Way back in May I was getting so excited about moving back to Sactown and living with my dear little twin sister again. Now I've been living with her for about 3 months, and I'm still not sick of her. One of the reasons why I was excited about living with her was because I had high hopes we would be able to keep each other accountable to living well... watching our money, keeping up with the spiritual disciplines, eating well, cleaning our poor little house... Until a couple days ago that wasn't really happening. Then we wrote a contract. This is the Bible verse we wrote on it:

"Give me understanding, that I may keep thy law and observe it with my whole heart."
Psalm 119:34.

So far it's been working. Thank God for people around us that can help. And for the excitement of living in a way that is pleasing to God.

Driving Miss Rachel

Yesterday I drove to Auburn. On accident. Auburn is about an hour away from Sacramento and I made it there in about 45 min because I didn't want to be late for a session in El Dorado Hills. Turns out I was on the wrong highway. Despite my speeding I was about 30 minutes late. Yikes! I've grown up in Sacramento but I don't know my way around all the different highways and surrounding cities. Now I know for sure where El Dorado Hills is.

Still nervous about doing therapy. Still doing it anyway.

Kitties and Kiddies

This past week I've been working two jobs. It always happens that way for me: I'll be unemployed to the point of almost completely living off the charity of my family and friends and then suddenly I'll have multiple jobs. This time around I've been house and kitty sitting as well as continuing my training with CARD.

The kitties are beautiful but they like to jump up on me while I'm sleeping and rub my face with theirs. Needless to say, my night time situation hasn't been as relaxing as I might have hoped and my eyes are really itchy. There are four of them so I spend a lot of my time wandering around the house checking in with each of them. They are all Tonkinese and are very soft and intelligent. They open cupboards and closets and can get themselves into amazing places around the house. One even jumps from the floor to my arms. Here are some pictures of the boys: Spike and Neeko, respectively.



As for my work at CARD, I passed the field exam and am now doing sessions one-on-one with kids. I am a bundle of nerves. I don't know a lot of the kids I am working with so it's hard to understand what they want or need because most of the time they can't communicate very clearly. I'm glad I have this job, but I know that until I get the hang of it I will be pumping myself up before each session and trying not to have a heart attack because of anxiety. I want to do a good job, but I still have so much to learn and improve on. So far everyone has been very understanding and encouraging. And I actually feel like this is something I'm supposed to be doing... for myself as much as for the kids I'll be working with.

2 Weeks of Training and a Wedding

I've been a busy girl lately. I got a job. Yay! I'm no longer laying around the house all day. I feel slightly useful. I also feel a little intimidated. I'm training to be an autism therapist. I have to reinforce good behaviors and not reinforce problem behaviors. I have to learn all kinds of drills and how to speak in a demanding (or at least commanding) voice. But the kids are cute. And I'm glad that I can do something that will help kids and their families.

Also, Tori and Geoff got married! It was a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful time. We were a good looking bridal party I must say, and Tori and Geoff just looked so happy. Tori was absolutely stunning. Her veil was the focus of many compliments. I'm so thankful for being a part of that joyful occassion. Here's a picture from Chris Humphreys' blog. He was a fabulous photographer and Alison got to intern with him a little when she lived in Santa Barbara.

A Little Q&A without the A

Hearing about other people loving others in a self-sacrificing way makes my heart beat a little faster and my eyes tear up. I want to be like that. Am I? I know that's the kind of person that God wants me to be, but am I learning from Him how to do that? Am I using what he has given me to help others? I don't know.

As I have alluded to in the previous post, I don't think I'm using my time very well. Who am I helping by staying at home every day. I'm not even helping my family around the house much and I'm the one that's here all the time. What am I doing with my education? What do I even want to do with it in the long run? I need a little upheaval in my life. Less TV and more time spent being loving and helpful to myself and others. I think I need to get some things straight before I can give fully of myself to those around me. I don't want to use that as an excuse, though. There is a fine line between keeping yourself healthy and just being selfish about your time. I don't think I've got that one quite right yet.

Sometimes I wish God would just give me all the answers... but He doesn't work that way. Most of the time it doesn't seem like He has a specific answer anyway. It's usually, "Follow me. Be with me. Keep talking to me." Those are good enough, I guess.

Epic struggle against heat and dial up internet

I've been back in Sacramento for a little while now and already a lot has happened.

My mom got married. I was here to help her move her belongings to her new home and help set up for the reception and calm raw nerves on the day of. Of course, it is an unusual experience seeing your mom get married, but it seems like she is very happy and that makes me feel happy, too.

There is also the continual battle of trying to get all of my possessions to fit back into my dad's little house (the house I grew up in) where it was already crowded with just my sister and dad. I'm back to sharing a room and closet and drawers and clothes. Another fun tidbit about the house... it doesn't have any air conditioning. Current temperature in Sacramento: 98 degrees. That's why I'm hanging out in a coffee shop. The coffee shop has wi-fi, something the little house is also missing.

I'm currently unemployed, which means I spend a lot of time reading Les Miserables (because I still haven't finished it after 3 months now) and watching Firefly with my sister. I love the theme song, by the way. My social calendar is getting full, but I won't have money to do fun things for much longer unless I find a job.

I like being with my family again. I'm getting settled, but still trying to figure out how to use my time well and be motivated to get things done. Hopefully my life will have more structure some time soon.

Celebrate Good Times

Tori graduated this last Sunday... so we celebrated. I got to hang out with her parents and brother and aunt and fiance all evening. After the last ceremony for Whitworth College graduates, we all went to Nikos, a wonderful Greek restaurant here in Spokane. We were ushered into a private room and the only menu we were given was the 20 page wine list. So we got some wine. The deal was they were just going to start bringing us food so we could sit back and enjoy each others' company. Let me tell you, that was the most exciting meal I have ever participated in. It lasted about 3 hours and Ryan, our friendly waiter, kept coming back with more dishes of food. We cheered for him each time. At one point he brought a Sockeye Salmon fillet on a silver platter. What?! Not to mention the authentic tzatziki sauce and the salad with a deliciously sweet balsamic dressing and the lamb. We ended up taking bags of food with us when we left. We also ordered 3 different types of wine throughout the evening, one from La Rioja, the wine region of Spain. Our entertainment was trying to drop the wine cork so it would stand on it's end. John, Tori's brother, got 11 in a row. We were cheering for him the whole way. After dinner, we went to the hotel where Tori's family was staying and down to the bar there to get some Mac & Jack's. It is a great ale brewed in Western Washington. Basically, by the end of the night most of us were a little tipsy and we were all very glad that we had spent that time together celebrating Tori's accomplishments. Congrats Tori and thanks for letting me share these great times with you.

I went to a roller skating rink tonight

I was there for at least 3 hours with some kids that I work with. It was interesting to see kids from the age of 6 up through high school singing along with the cuss words in the songs that were being played. And then there were the pre-adolescent girls shaking their little pre-adolescent booties. It made me sad to see these young people act in ways that seemed beyond their age. I was a little shocked at the lack of innocence I saw.

Then there were the times when the kids I brought helped out the really small ones who got knocked down on the rink. Unexpected tenderness and caring is a much better surprise. All in all, it was a good night. And that was unexpected, too.

Moving

There isn't very much furniture in the common areas of our house anymore. Of course I knew this day was coming, but it still managed to surprise me a bit. It got me thinking about how soon we will all be moved out and going our separate ways. It has been great with my housemates and having time to think about my life while living in Spokane. I still don't have much figured out. I have a lot of room to make choices about my future. It seems like a blank slate and I am being challenged to not be afraid about what could be drawn there. People are capable of so much more than they give themselves credit for. I've worked for months at a facility that I was afraid to apply to because the kids have serious problems. I rode my bike across Northern Spain in a month. I planned a fun-filled bridal shower when I had never been to one. So in a couple weeks I'll have to start the job search again and move back to California to start another chapter of my life. It's not going to be anything I can't handle. Moving out and moving on. Further up and further in.