Seasons

I wrote this in my journal awhile ago and just found it again today. It seems to match the changing of the seasons that is going on now.

I sat on the couch looking out the window. I could see the wind whipping the leaves off the trees. They had been beautiful reds and oranges against the bright blue sky just last week. Then the wind came. It brought clouds. The leaves dried up and turned a dull brown color. There was some remnant, some hint of brightness left as a hearken to better weather, better days. I felt as melancholy as ever seeing this season of change. It was a slow dying of the world. Winter was taking the happiness of fall in its cold hand and slowly smothering the life out of it with the heavy blanket of clouds and the unfriendly wind.

I thought of so many things that had faded from my life. My grandfather slowly being taken by cancer. He had a couple of winters that gave way to springs, but finally the winter conquered his poor, tired body. His bones had softened and his muscles had grown weak. Now his body is melting back into the earth, while his soul enjoys eternal summer. Or is it spring? Grandpa has come to new life. Is he fully matured in his new life, or is he fresh like a bud just beginning to open up to the spring world of light and warmth?

What else had faded? The confidence in God had slipped away as quietly as the leaves had fallen. There were so many questions about Him now. I don't understand how to trust Him when horrible, difficult things happen all around me. My confidence in Him started to leave when he didn't want to kiss me anymore. Was it punishment for liking him too much? Was is just a lesson? Another stepping stone bringing me closer to God? Summer had come. I had felt loved and desired. That matured into the slower, brighter days of fall when he said he was falling in love with me. It was a time of knowing what my life was about. Then the winter wind came and blew the brightness away. There was only cold and darkness left behind. The brisk wind kept me awake, but I was being chilled to the bone. I just wanted to go to sleep. How could God have made the world so much more dim? Why had He taken that vibrancy, that warmth away?

As I looked out the window I thought maybe there is beauty in the harshness of winter. Maybe that wind brings a freshness to life. It clears away the old to make way for the new. I looked out the window wanting spring to come, and knowing that it would. Someday after I felt that winter would never end it would come. It would come.

It has come.