My fingers crossed, I pray,
Believing God does what he wants anyway,
Not seeing the two could meet today.
I want to stay home, just let me be,
My job is the only thing stopping me,
Someone else's time the fee.
I alter my prayer this time saying,
"God, you have the power to do some changing,
"So please, I know you can, give me today for resting."
I answered the phone with dread,
"Two friends will cover for you," she said.
Praise God, I'm free to stay in bed!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Addiction
Addiction runs in my family. Some lean towards alcoholism, though everyone has been able to keep their jobs, homes, etc. Some can't quit smoking. There are also those who are drawn to absurd relationships that don't last. One aunt is addicted to traveling, something that people all over the world share with her. Now you may be asking yourself, "What is Rachel's addiction?" The answer: coffee shops. I am drawn to them like a kid to the swimming pool in summertime. While driving my eyes are constantly scanning for the familiar signs of Starbucks or Pete's. I keep notes in my head about where the nearest coffee shop is located. I do not exclusively seek the chain stores either. Tupelo and the Coffee Garden are other locales around Sacramento that have the pleasing atmosphere of a home grown, completely unique coffee shop. Currently I am enjoying the free wi-fi of It's a Grind in Elk Grove. The interesting thing about my addiction is that it's not the caffeine that enslaves me like so many others. Tonight I got some hot apple cider. It's something indescribable about the atmosphere. It's a public place where I can relax, drink something tasty, and either hang out with friends, read, or catch up on things online. A coffee shop is a treat no matter how many times I go.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
I've been working on the autism spectrum, all the live long day...
Yesterday I worked for about 10.5 hours and I was out of the house from 7:30am till about 8:30pm. Today I was away from home from 7:30am till about 5:15pm. Not bad. I'm glad to be keeping busy, even though I am getting a little tired. There is less time for brooding when you're busy. When you're as introspective as I am you have to be constantly on your guard against brooding. If you want to help me fill my social calender and avoid too many dark and weighty thoughts I would love to include you. I would love some good deep conversation about something other than relationship drama. Please.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Are you smarter than a junior higher?
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Sometimes there are things I just can't change...
... and that frustrates me more than anything in the world. If you give me a puzzle I will sit and work at it for hours if I feel like I'm making any kind of progress, and it is hard to pull myself away because I want to find the solution. I get obsessive. I want to be in the field of psychology because I want to help other people solve their problems. The only thing is, I don't know how to solve my own. I'm realizing more and more that people are mysterious and there are some things about the way we work and think and emote that are unexplainable. At least for me. I know psychologists are doing studies all the time to find out patterns of how people work, but there isn't one theory that explains everything about the human psyche. There isn't even a combination that can! All that is to say I feel frustrated, anxious and angry right now and I don't know what to do about it.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Car Trouble?
This past weekend I was looking forward to going to a wedding in Santa Barbara for a number of reasons. First of all, it's Santa Barbara and I haven't been to the beach in years. Second of all, I love a good road trip with friends. My sister, friend Heather, and I left Friday evening in a van belonging to Heather's mom. We were about 2 1/2 hours into our trip when the acceleration began feeling irregular. I was behind the wheel at this point. We pulled over on the side of I-5 in the middle of Nowhere, CA and discovered that the car was not going to move anywhere. For the next 2 1/2 hours we sat in the van waiting for a tow truck to find us while semis driving by gently rocked us. Turns out we weren't really sure where we were, and after talking to a rude emergency dispatcher (I called 911 for the first time in my life) and 3 or 4 tow truck companies we were found and taken to the nearest hotel. The town and the next day is another story that maybe my sister will tell. As for my luck with cars, there is more to the story. Last night, the dash of my car started to go berserk. Then this morning I started it and it was acting funny again. I couldn't get it to shift so I turned it off to try again only to find that the engine wasn't firing up at all, but my windshield wipers were moving feebly even though they weren't on. I called my dad and told him about my possessed car. Of course, after I had it towed out to his shop I learned that it only needed a new alternator and I was on the road again before noon. The moral of the story is if for some reason you are thinking of letting me drive your car, hold on to those keys!
As a side note, according to iTunes the theme song for today is "Company Car". Yeah, I know.
As a side note, according to iTunes the theme song for today is "Company Car". Yeah, I know.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Musical Answers
Sometimes I play the iTunes game. This is how you play:
1) Set your iTunes library on shuffle
2) Make a statement like "My mom's theme song" or ask a question like "What's the weather going to be like today?"
3) Hit play and see what song comes up. That song is the theme song or answer to your question and should be interpreted immediately.
You can ask iTunes anything and get all kinds of answers. This morning I started with what I always start with: theme song for the day. The title that popped up was "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)". That doesn't sound promising. Usually the answers aren't that clear or obvious, but they are always fun. I'll let you know how it goes today.
1) Set your iTunes library on shuffle
2) Make a statement like "My mom's theme song" or ask a question like "What's the weather going to be like today?"
3) Hit play and see what song comes up. That song is the theme song or answer to your question and should be interpreted immediately.
You can ask iTunes anything and get all kinds of answers. This morning I started with what I always start with: theme song for the day. The title that popped up was "Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today)". That doesn't sound promising. Usually the answers aren't that clear or obvious, but they are always fun. I'll let you know how it goes today.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Average
Whenever I get sick I think, "This is the worst kind of sickness. I feel like I can't do anything!" The thing is, every sickness can't be the worst. It's the concept of average. For instance, most people think they are above average in appearance. That just can't be the case. So most likely you're average. It's okay, we can be average together. Anyway, I spent the first 4 days of November at home feeling slightly nauseous. It's over now. Today I went to work and life went back to normal.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Ninjas or something better?
This morning I decided to look for ninjas on youtube and I found some.... sort of.
It's just incredible that people can do this. I watched video after video of guys doing this everywhere for fun. It's called parkour or free running and I love it.
It's just incredible that people can do this. I watched video after video of guys doing this everywhere for fun. It's called parkour or free running and I love it.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thrill of a Lifetime
"Indeed it is only too easy to forget that there is a thrill in theism."
G. K. Chesterton in The Everlasting Man
Sometimes faith can get old and stagnant. As a Christian I have heard stories from the Bible over and over again and they don't surprise or excite me as easily as they used to. Occasionally I will come across one of those obscure stories (generally in the Old Testament) about some amazing thing God or one of his servants did, like when Samson lit foxes' tails on fire and sent them to burn up the Philistine's food stores (check out Judges 15!). But really, theism, the fact that there is one God and he created everything, is astonishing. When I don't let that concept slip into the back parts of my mind it is incredible and thrilling. Chesterton was specifically trying to make the point that theism is just as thrilling, if not more thrilling, than polytheism. In theism, that one God has to be impressive. He can't be a wimpy, half-god, or be tricked or confused by other Gods. It's just Him, knowing everything and being everywhere. These days people are less distracted by polytheism and more distracted by everything else going on in their lives. Busyness allows us to forget about God altogether, or at least put Him on the back burner of our minds so we don't give Him the attention that would excite us. God is using Chesterton, this beautiful Sacramento fall, and the people around me to get my attention again. It's working and I'm thrilled.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Playground Romance
I hang out with first graders almost every day. Last week I saw a boy and a girl playing around all recess long, just the two of them. It reminded me of when I was in first grade and had a crush on a boy in my class. We played together every recess. I started to feel nostalgic for that innocent affection when the best thing in the world was to climb on the monkey bars together. Loss of innocence is so painful to think about. The world all of a sudden becomes much less carefree. It becomes a dark and scary place with nowhere to hide. It would be so easy to go through life without hope if you thought your only resource was yourself. I'm glad I know about something else. Even so, I need a lot of reminding.
Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 42:5
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Reading Rainbow
I have been putting together a list of books to read for about a year now. It has over 100 titles on it. I've stopped looking for more books to put on it because I am working my way so slowly through it as it is. I just get so excited about all the interesting stories that are out there. Lately I've been interested in memoir type books, but I also like finding the classics that have made up the staple diet of literature for a longer period of time. You know, those timeless books that have adventure and love and tragedy. I'm not actually sure I know what a classic is. Usually I think of books like Jane Eyre (which I loved!) and The Three Musketeers (which was my latest purchase). Still, I like perusing the Borders 2 for 3 table with its variety of new paperback novels, memoirs, commentaries, as well as stories that have been around for awhile. I just love books. It's too bad I get so easily distracted by the TV. I hate the TV, but it seems to pull me in so often. I know, I know, "Get control of yourself!" I keep trying. Alright, enough. I'll stop whining and get back to reading.
Currently reading and on deck:
Currently reading and on deck:
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Into San Francisco
I went to San Francisco last weekend and saw a few things:
1. The lighthouse at Point Reyes National Seashore. Lovely. Short for a lighthouse.
2. Lots of seagulls. Gross but entertaining.
3. Into the Wild. Haunting.
I didn't know what I was getting into when I sat down to watch Into the Wild. It was explained to me that it was about a guy who traveled all around the US and eventually went to Alaska to live off the land. Great. Sounds like an adventure story. It's a true story and especially because of that, the ending was tragically ironic and haunting. Still, it was a good story. I don't want to give away the ending, but I will share something I was able to take away from it (other than lost sleep): Happines is best when shared. I think I know that one already, but sometimes I think we can all forget to appreciate the people we have to share our happiness with. I'll try to remember.
1. The lighthouse at Point Reyes National Seashore. Lovely. Short for a lighthouse.
2. Lots of seagulls. Gross but entertaining.
3. Into the Wild. Haunting.
I didn't know what I was getting into when I sat down to watch Into the Wild. It was explained to me that it was about a guy who traveled all around the US and eventually went to Alaska to live off the land. Great. Sounds like an adventure story. It's a true story and especially because of that, the ending was tragically ironic and haunting. Still, it was a good story. I don't want to give away the ending, but I will share something I was able to take away from it (other than lost sleep): Happines is best when shared. I think I know that one already, but sometimes I think we can all forget to appreciate the people we have to share our happiness with. I'll try to remember.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Miracle of the Sun
I'm not totally sure I believe this, but I think it is good that some people did. I want to believe that miraculous things can happen around me, too.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sometimes...
... I wonder if I'm just talking to myself. It's probably my fault if no one is reading this because I have been so inconsistent. It's actually a technical problem. I didn't have consistent internet for awhile. Now I'm filching it from one of the neighbors. Shhhh....
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Seasons
I wrote this in my journal awhile ago and just found it again today. It seems to match the changing of the seasons that is going on now.
I sat on the couch looking out the window. I could see the wind whipping the leaves off the trees. They had been beautiful reds and oranges against the bright blue sky just last week. Then the wind came. It brought clouds. The leaves dried up and turned a dull brown color. There was some remnant, some hint of brightness left as a hearken to better weather, better days. I felt as melancholy as ever seeing this season of change. It was a slow dying of the world. Winter was taking the happiness of fall in its cold hand and slowly smothering the life out of it with the heavy blanket of clouds and the unfriendly wind.
I thought of so many things that had faded from my life. My grandfather slowly being taken by cancer. He had a couple of winters that gave way to springs, but finally the winter conquered his poor, tired body. His bones had softened and his muscles had grown weak. Now his body is melting back into the earth, while his soul enjoys eternal summer. Or is it spring? Grandpa has come to new life. Is he fully matured in his new life, or is he fresh like a bud just beginning to open up to the spring world of light and warmth?
What else had faded? The confidence in God had slipped away as quietly as the leaves had fallen. There were so many questions about Him now. I don't understand how to trust Him when horrible, difficult things happen all around me. My confidence in Him started to leave when he didn't want to kiss me anymore. Was it punishment for liking him too much? Was is just a lesson? Another stepping stone bringing me closer to God? Summer had come. I had felt loved and desired. That matured into the slower, brighter days of fall when he said he was falling in love with me. It was a time of knowing what my life was about. Then the winter wind came and blew the brightness away. There was only cold and darkness left behind. The brisk wind kept me awake, but I was being chilled to the bone. I just wanted to go to sleep. How could God have made the world so much more dim? Why had He taken that vibrancy, that warmth away?
As I looked out the window I thought maybe there is beauty in the harshness of winter. Maybe that wind brings a freshness to life. It clears away the old to make way for the new. I looked out the window wanting spring to come, and knowing that it would. Someday after I felt that winter would never end it would come. It would come.
It has come.
I sat on the couch looking out the window. I could see the wind whipping the leaves off the trees. They had been beautiful reds and oranges against the bright blue sky just last week. Then the wind came. It brought clouds. The leaves dried up and turned a dull brown color. There was some remnant, some hint of brightness left as a hearken to better weather, better days. I felt as melancholy as ever seeing this season of change. It was a slow dying of the world. Winter was taking the happiness of fall in its cold hand and slowly smothering the life out of it with the heavy blanket of clouds and the unfriendly wind.
I thought of so many things that had faded from my life. My grandfather slowly being taken by cancer. He had a couple of winters that gave way to springs, but finally the winter conquered his poor, tired body. His bones had softened and his muscles had grown weak. Now his body is melting back into the earth, while his soul enjoys eternal summer. Or is it spring? Grandpa has come to new life. Is he fully matured in his new life, or is he fresh like a bud just beginning to open up to the spring world of light and warmth?
What else had faded? The confidence in God had slipped away as quietly as the leaves had fallen. There were so many questions about Him now. I don't understand how to trust Him when horrible, difficult things happen all around me. My confidence in Him started to leave when he didn't want to kiss me anymore. Was it punishment for liking him too much? Was is just a lesson? Another stepping stone bringing me closer to God? Summer had come. I had felt loved and desired. That matured into the slower, brighter days of fall when he said he was falling in love with me. It was a time of knowing what my life was about. Then the winter wind came and blew the brightness away. There was only cold and darkness left behind. The brisk wind kept me awake, but I was being chilled to the bone. I just wanted to go to sleep. How could God have made the world so much more dim? Why had He taken that vibrancy, that warmth away?
As I looked out the window I thought maybe there is beauty in the harshness of winter. Maybe that wind brings a freshness to life. It clears away the old to make way for the new. I looked out the window wanting spring to come, and knowing that it would. Someday after I felt that winter would never end it would come. It would come.
It has come.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Serenity
Awhile ago my dad got a set of DVDs from a customer. It was called Firefly. Firefly had been a TV show that didn't get very much attention at all when it was actually on TV and got canceled, but once it went to DVD became much more popular. The people that came to love Firefly wanted to see more so it was made into a movie called Serenity. I love the show and the movie... an embarrassing amount. Still, I want to share something with the 3 of you that actually read this blog: a look at Serenity.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Roots
Fall is officially here in about 2 hours and I'm so ready for it. There has been rain and it is so refreshing. This fall weather makes me want to stay inside and get all cozy with a book. I know, so cliche. Staying inside means hanging out with the family more, which I am also currently glad to do. Living with my dad again has it's ups and downs. He's not as tidy as one might hope. Also, the house isn't particularly inviting for company. My sister and I go out a lot. Which means more driving. Oh well. Some of the ups are... well... family. I feel closer to my dad now than ever before. Also we have a scrappy little kitty. She's 16 years old and looks a little arthritic these days, but I love her dearly. I've been feeling very happy about being in my hometown again. I moved back and forth between school and home and camp that I got out of touch with Sacramento. Now I'm back and thinking I might be here for awhile.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Opportunities
Yesterday a man talked to a group of young people about taking opportunities even if they are bad ones. He read the story of Paul being on trial for his life and taking that opportunity to give his testimony and tell them about Jesus. That would generally be thought of as a bad opportunity. He also reminded us of God's promise that men will hate us. Isn't that a great one?! That will really draw people in. But really... I want to take more opportunities. I don't want to be typical annoying, Bible pushing Christian, though. I'll keep trying.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
The Contract
Way back in May I was getting so excited about moving back to Sactown and living with my dear little twin sister again. Now I've been living with her for about 3 months, and I'm still not sick of her. One of the reasons why I was excited about living with her was because I had high hopes we would be able to keep each other accountable to living well... watching our money, keeping up with the spiritual disciplines, eating well, cleaning our poor little house... Until a couple days ago that wasn't really happening. Then we wrote a contract. This is the Bible verse we wrote on it:
"Give me understanding, that I may keep thy law and observe it with my whole heart."
Psalm 119:34.
So far it's been working. Thank God for people around us that can help. And for the excitement of living in a way that is pleasing to God.
"Give me understanding, that I may keep thy law and observe it with my whole heart."
Psalm 119:34.
So far it's been working. Thank God for people around us that can help. And for the excitement of living in a way that is pleasing to God.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Driving Miss Rachel
Yesterday I drove to Auburn. On accident. Auburn is about an hour away from Sacramento and I made it there in about 45 min because I didn't want to be late for a session in El Dorado Hills. Turns out I was on the wrong highway. Despite my speeding I was about 30 minutes late. Yikes! I've grown up in Sacramento but I don't know my way around all the different highways and surrounding cities. Now I know for sure where El Dorado Hills is.
Still nervous about doing therapy. Still doing it anyway.
Still nervous about doing therapy. Still doing it anyway.
Friday, August 3, 2007
Kitties and Kiddies
This past week I've been working two jobs. It always happens that way for me: I'll be unemployed to the point of almost completely living off the charity of my family and friends and then suddenly I'll have multiple jobs. This time around I've been house and kitty sitting as well as continuing my training with CARD.
The kitties are beautiful but they like to jump up on me while I'm sleeping and rub my face with theirs. Needless to say, my night time situation hasn't been as relaxing as I might have hoped and my eyes are really itchy. There are four of them so I spend a lot of my time wandering around the house checking in with each of them. They are all Tonkinese and are very soft and intelligent. They open cupboards and closets and can get themselves into amazing places around the house. One even jumps from the floor to my arms. Here are some pictures of the boys: Spike and Neeko, respectively.
As for my work at CARD, I passed the field exam and am now doing sessions one-on-one with kids. I am a bundle of nerves. I don't know a lot of the kids I am working with so it's hard to understand what they want or need because most of the time they can't communicate very clearly. I'm glad I have this job, but I know that until I get the hang of it I will be pumping myself up before each session and trying not to have a heart attack because of anxiety. I want to do a good job, but I still have so much to learn and improve on. So far everyone has been very understanding and encouraging. And I actually feel like this is something I'm supposed to be doing... for myself as much as for the kids I'll be working with.
The kitties are beautiful but they like to jump up on me while I'm sleeping and rub my face with theirs. Needless to say, my night time situation hasn't been as relaxing as I might have hoped and my eyes are really itchy. There are four of them so I spend a lot of my time wandering around the house checking in with each of them. They are all Tonkinese and are very soft and intelligent. They open cupboards and closets and can get themselves into amazing places around the house. One even jumps from the floor to my arms. Here are some pictures of the boys: Spike and Neeko, respectively.
As for my work at CARD, I passed the field exam and am now doing sessions one-on-one with kids. I am a bundle of nerves. I don't know a lot of the kids I am working with so it's hard to understand what they want or need because most of the time they can't communicate very clearly. I'm glad I have this job, but I know that until I get the hang of it I will be pumping myself up before each session and trying not to have a heart attack because of anxiety. I want to do a good job, but I still have so much to learn and improve on. So far everyone has been very understanding and encouraging. And I actually feel like this is something I'm supposed to be doing... for myself as much as for the kids I'll be working with.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
2 Weeks of Training and a Wedding
I've been a busy girl lately. I got a job. Yay! I'm no longer laying around the house all day. I feel slightly useful. I also feel a little intimidated. I'm training to be an autism therapist. I have to reinforce good behaviors and not reinforce problem behaviors. I have to learn all kinds of drills and how to speak in a demanding (or at least commanding) voice. But the kids are cute. And I'm glad that I can do something that will help kids and their families.
Also, Tori and Geoff got married! It was a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful time. We were a good looking bridal party I must say, and Tori and Geoff just looked so happy. Tori was absolutely stunning. Her veil was the focus of many compliments. I'm so thankful for being a part of that joyful occassion. Here's a picture from Chris Humphreys' blog. He was a fabulous photographer and Alison got to intern with him a little when she lived in Santa Barbara.
Also, Tori and Geoff got married! It was a beautiful ceremony and a wonderful time. We were a good looking bridal party I must say, and Tori and Geoff just looked so happy. Tori was absolutely stunning. Her veil was the focus of many compliments. I'm so thankful for being a part of that joyful occassion. Here's a picture from Chris Humphreys' blog. He was a fabulous photographer and Alison got to intern with him a little when she lived in Santa Barbara.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
A Little Q&A without the A
Hearing about other people loving others in a self-sacrificing way makes my heart beat a little faster and my eyes tear up. I want to be like that. Am I? I know that's the kind of person that God wants me to be, but am I learning from Him how to do that? Am I using what he has given me to help others? I don't know.
As I have alluded to in the previous post, I don't think I'm using my time very well. Who am I helping by staying at home every day. I'm not even helping my family around the house much and I'm the one that's here all the time. What am I doing with my education? What do I even want to do with it in the long run? I need a little upheaval in my life. Less TV and more time spent being loving and helpful to myself and others. I think I need to get some things straight before I can give fully of myself to those around me. I don't want to use that as an excuse, though. There is a fine line between keeping yourself healthy and just being selfish about your time. I don't think I've got that one quite right yet.
Sometimes I wish God would just give me all the answers... but He doesn't work that way. Most of the time it doesn't seem like He has a specific answer anyway. It's usually, "Follow me. Be with me. Keep talking to me." Those are good enough, I guess.
As I have alluded to in the previous post, I don't think I'm using my time very well. Who am I helping by staying at home every day. I'm not even helping my family around the house much and I'm the one that's here all the time. What am I doing with my education? What do I even want to do with it in the long run? I need a little upheaval in my life. Less TV and more time spent being loving and helpful to myself and others. I think I need to get some things straight before I can give fully of myself to those around me. I don't want to use that as an excuse, though. There is a fine line between keeping yourself healthy and just being selfish about your time. I don't think I've got that one quite right yet.
Sometimes I wish God would just give me all the answers... but He doesn't work that way. Most of the time it doesn't seem like He has a specific answer anyway. It's usually, "Follow me. Be with me. Keep talking to me." Those are good enough, I guess.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Epic struggle against heat and dial up internet
I've been back in Sacramento for a little while now and already a lot has happened.
My mom got married. I was here to help her move her belongings to her new home and help set up for the reception and calm raw nerves on the day of. Of course, it is an unusual experience seeing your mom get married, but it seems like she is very happy and that makes me feel happy, too.
There is also the continual battle of trying to get all of my possessions to fit back into my dad's little house (the house I grew up in) where it was already crowded with just my sister and dad. I'm back to sharing a room and closet and drawers and clothes. Another fun tidbit about the house... it doesn't have any air conditioning. Current temperature in Sacramento: 98 degrees. That's why I'm hanging out in a coffee shop. The coffee shop has wi-fi, something the little house is also missing.
I'm currently unemployed, which means I spend a lot of time reading Les Miserables (because I still haven't finished it after 3 months now) and watching Firefly with my sister. I love the theme song, by the way. My social calendar is getting full, but I won't have money to do fun things for much longer unless I find a job.
I like being with my family again. I'm getting settled, but still trying to figure out how to use my time well and be motivated to get things done. Hopefully my life will have more structure some time soon.
My mom got married. I was here to help her move her belongings to her new home and help set up for the reception and calm raw nerves on the day of. Of course, it is an unusual experience seeing your mom get married, but it seems like she is very happy and that makes me feel happy, too.
There is also the continual battle of trying to get all of my possessions to fit back into my dad's little house (the house I grew up in) where it was already crowded with just my sister and dad. I'm back to sharing a room and closet and drawers and clothes. Another fun tidbit about the house... it doesn't have any air conditioning. Current temperature in Sacramento: 98 degrees. That's why I'm hanging out in a coffee shop. The coffee shop has wi-fi, something the little house is also missing.
I'm currently unemployed, which means I spend a lot of time reading Les Miserables (because I still haven't finished it after 3 months now) and watching Firefly with my sister. I love the theme song, by the way. My social calendar is getting full, but I won't have money to do fun things for much longer unless I find a job.
I like being with my family again. I'm getting settled, but still trying to figure out how to use my time well and be motivated to get things done. Hopefully my life will have more structure some time soon.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Celebrate Good Times
Tori graduated this last Sunday... so we celebrated. I got to hang out with her parents and brother and aunt and fiance all evening. After the last ceremony for Whitworth College graduates, we all went to Nikos, a wonderful Greek restaurant here in Spokane. We were ushered into a private room and the only menu we were given was the 20 page wine list. So we got some wine. The deal was they were just going to start bringing us food so we could sit back and enjoy each others' company. Let me tell you, that was the most exciting meal I have ever participated in. It lasted about 3 hours and Ryan, our friendly waiter, kept coming back with more dishes of food. We cheered for him each time. At one point he brought a Sockeye Salmon fillet on a silver platter. What?! Not to mention the authentic tzatziki sauce and the salad with a deliciously sweet balsamic dressing and the lamb. We ended up taking bags of food with us when we left. We also ordered 3 different types of wine throughout the evening, one from La Rioja, the wine region of Spain. Our entertainment was trying to drop the wine cork so it would stand on it's end. John, Tori's brother, got 11 in a row. We were cheering for him the whole way. After dinner, we went to the hotel where Tori's family was staying and down to the bar there to get some Mac & Jack's. It is a great ale brewed in Western Washington. Basically, by the end of the night most of us were a little tipsy and we were all very glad that we had spent that time together celebrating Tori's accomplishments. Congrats Tori and thanks for letting me share these great times with you.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
I went to a roller skating rink tonight
I was there for at least 3 hours with some kids that I work with. It was interesting to see kids from the age of 6 up through high school singing along with the cuss words in the songs that were being played. And then there were the pre-adolescent girls shaking their little pre-adolescent booties. It made me sad to see these young people act in ways that seemed beyond their age. I was a little shocked at the lack of innocence I saw.
Then there were the times when the kids I brought helped out the really small ones who got knocked down on the rink. Unexpected tenderness and caring is a much better surprise. All in all, it was a good night. And that was unexpected, too.
Then there were the times when the kids I brought helped out the really small ones who got knocked down on the rink. Unexpected tenderness and caring is a much better surprise. All in all, it was a good night. And that was unexpected, too.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Moving
There isn't very much furniture in the common areas of our house anymore. Of course I knew this day was coming, but it still managed to surprise me a bit. It got me thinking about how soon we will all be moved out and going our separate ways. It has been great with my housemates and having time to think about my life while living in Spokane. I still don't have much figured out. I have a lot of room to make choices about my future. It seems like a blank slate and I am being challenged to not be afraid about what could be drawn there. People are capable of so much more than they give themselves credit for. I've worked for months at a facility that I was afraid to apply to because the kids have serious problems. I rode my bike across Northern Spain in a month. I planned a fun-filled bridal shower when I had never been to one. So in a couple weeks I'll have to start the job search again and move back to California to start another chapter of my life. It's not going to be anything I can't handle. Moving out and moving on. Further up and further in.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Devolution
According to dictionary.com:
dev·o·lu·tion
–noun
the transfer of power or authority from a central government to a local government.
A little over a year ago I went to Northern Ireland on a study program. It was called Religion, Peace, and Conflict. We had studied the complicated history of Northern Ireland and learned about it's ambiguous position in the United Kingdom before we left the states so that when we got there we could ask the people involved about their past experiences and hopes for the future. One day we went to Stormont, the beautiful parliament building that was sitting unused because the leaders of the different political parties could not stand to be in the same building. We talked with representatives from the four major parties for what seemed like the whole day. The DUP rep said that they would probably never become a united Ireland and it would take a long time to trust Sinn Fein. The Sinn Fein rep said he saw Northern Ireland being united with the Republic of Ireland during his lifetime. After hearing all sides of the story I was left with a feeling of hopelessness. How could these parties ever come to a point of understanding and cooperation?
Today I saw this in the news: Historic return for NI Assembly. Wow.
dev·o·lu·tion
–noun
the transfer of power or authority from a central government to a local government.
A little over a year ago I went to Northern Ireland on a study program. It was called Religion, Peace, and Conflict. We had studied the complicated history of Northern Ireland and learned about it's ambiguous position in the United Kingdom before we left the states so that when we got there we could ask the people involved about their past experiences and hopes for the future. One day we went to Stormont, the beautiful parliament building that was sitting unused because the leaders of the different political parties could not stand to be in the same building. We talked with representatives from the four major parties for what seemed like the whole day. The DUP rep said that they would probably never become a united Ireland and it would take a long time to trust Sinn Fein. The Sinn Fein rep said he saw Northern Ireland being united with the Republic of Ireland during his lifetime. After hearing all sides of the story I was left with a feeling of hopelessness. How could these parties ever come to a point of understanding and cooperation?
Today I saw this in the news: Historic return for NI Assembly. Wow.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Lament of a Flooded Bedroom
We share a wall, the laundry room and I
Generally, he's the noisy sort of neighbor
But we manage to live side by side.
Then one day, his cup runneth over.
With a fan and some towels it took me 5 days to dry.
Next time, it was the pipe for the sprinkler
And it took me 10 hours to notice this time.
A spot on the carpet, a shade of brown deeper.
Now in the corner abandoned, as if I wanted to hide
And they've set up camp in the living room, which is higher.
Generally, he's the noisy sort of neighbor
But we manage to live side by side.
Then one day, his cup runneth over.
With a fan and some towels it took me 5 days to dry.
Next time, it was the pipe for the sprinkler
And it took me 10 hours to notice this time.
A spot on the carpet, a shade of brown deeper.
Now in the corner abandoned, as if I wanted to hide
And they've set up camp in the living room, which is higher.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Les Mis
I am currently working my way through the unabridged version of Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. I'm not even halfway through it on page 513, but it has been an enjoyable read so far. It has taken me about a month and a half to get this far and I think part of that has to do with how daunting it can be to hold a book that is over a thousand pages long. A few days ago at work a kid asked me what the book was like. I explained to him what a geometric tangent was (a line that is connected to another line but shoots off in it's own direction) and then said this book was full of tangents. He laughed. It was particularly hard getting through a 45 page section on the battle of Waterloo where the only relevant part was a short interaction between characters on the last page. Still, I am enjoying getting to know the characters and the themes of redemption and the struggle to figure out what is right have been very interesting.
To help me get into the spirit a little more I took a couple quizzes. If you are familiar with the story from the book or the musical you might enjoy finding out which major and minor characters you resemble. I am like Jean Valjean and Sister Simplice. I wasn't even going for all the religious answers.
To help me get into the spirit a little more I took a couple quizzes. If you are familiar with the story from the book or the musical you might enjoy finding out which major and minor characters you resemble. I am like Jean Valjean and Sister Simplice. I wasn't even going for all the religious answers.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Spring is Relative
Spring has officially been here for over a month now. Sometimes that is not a reality in Spokane. Well, I guess it's just not the Spring that I think of when I hear the word. Growing up in Sacramento the lilacs would be blooming for my birthday at the end of March. In Spokane (the lilac capital of the world) lilacs don't bloom until May. In Sacramento people start where T-shirts and flip-flops in the 70 and 80 degree weather of March and April. In Spokane people start wearing flip-flops and T-shirts at the same time but it is only in the 60s and we are only imagining that we are warm. Today it is sunny and in the mid 60s and I feel like shaving my legs and putting shorts on. I guess even weather is relative sometimes.
Tori took this picture in the English Department Garden at Whitworth.
Tori took this picture in the English Department Garden at Whitworth.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Counter Intuitive
I am currently reading through the Gospel of Mark and then I am going to go through it again with the commentary written by Jim Edwards, a professor from Whitworth and great Markian scholar. Today I read the part where Peter denies Jesus 3 times after Jesus has been arrested and is being beaten. I was struck by how horrible it would feel to be abandoned by your closest friends in such a desperate hour of your life. I can imagine Peter's shame when he hears the rooster crow and realizes that Jesus was right about him. It makes me wonder why in the world Jesus would stick by us and continue to love us when we are such jerks sometimes, being guided by fear or selfishness. Then Peter became a great evangelist and the Rock of the Church. WOW! God does not make sense to me much of the time, but it gives me hope that he can use me and still thinks it's worthwhile to love and help me. Sometimes His forgiveness is so overwhelming or counter intuitive that I'm not sure I can accept it or that it's real. Thank God it is real and present even when I don't think about it.
Monday, April 23, 2007
The Future
I work at Excelsior Youth Center. Today I went to a new employee orientation for 7 1/2 hours even though I've worked there 4 months now. It actually wasn't that bad. One enjoyable thing was meeting the CEO for the first time. He talked to us about his job and purpose there, etc. He also said that his mission statement for the place is to "connect these kids with their future." He explained that you can't change what happened in the past, and for these kids the past is scarring and painful for the most part. So our job is to try to help them realize that they can work towards a better future. On any given shift I feel like we are just trying to make it through another few hours, but I hope that on the whole my mission in working there would be to help the kids I hang out with see that they are good because they are human and their lives can and do have unlimited value and purpose. Even if it isn't always tangible or practical, the hope is there.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Music Lesson
Today I would like to commemorate some important happenings in music history:
1) Tchaikovsky completes his famous ballet, "Swan Lake," in 1876
2) The Blues Brothers (Dan Akroyd and John Belushi) make their first appearance on Saturday Night Live in 1978
1) Tchaikovsky completes his famous ballet, "Swan Lake," in 1876
2) The Blues Brothers (Dan Akroyd and John Belushi) make their first appearance on Saturday Night Live in 1978
Friday, April 20, 2007
QOTD
Quote of the day:
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -Victor Borge
My friend Alayna uses a variant of this one all the time. It is a good idea and a great truth. I like laughing. Here's something that makes me laugh...
"Laughter is the closest distance between two people." -Victor Borge
My friend Alayna uses a variant of this one all the time. It is a good idea and a great truth. I like laughing. Here's something that makes me laugh...
Thursday, April 19, 2007
No More Whitworth
I graduated from Whitworth College almost a year ago (man has time flown by) and the college graciously allowed me to continue using my Whitworth e-mail account... until now. I knew this day was coming, but I didn't know it would come so soon and so abruptly. I checked my e-mail this morning and I found an inbox that had none of my old messages in it and only one new one. So please, if you want to stay in contact with me use my gmail account: rlgraff@gmail.com
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Pet Owner's Day
Apparently it is Pet Owner's Day. I have no idea who decided that, but I can celebrate. I am a pet owner. I have been estranged from my darling on and off for the last 3 years since I have lived part time in Spokane. I think she still likes me even though I've been away and... well... she's a cat. Meet Gigi.
She's about 14 years old, she only likes people she's familiar with and doesn't like other animals at all, and she has thumbs. I think she's great, but I don't expect you to share my opinion. In fact, if you met her I bet you wouldn't.
She's about 14 years old, she only likes people she's familiar with and doesn't like other animals at all, and she has thumbs. I think she's great, but I don't expect you to share my opinion. In fact, if you met her I bet you wouldn't.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Great Comeback
I was just perusing the National Geographic website (as my sister taught me to do) and I came across these guys...
They are Siberian tigers which, according to the article "Biggest Tiger Pounces Back from Brink" on NG's website, almost went extinct in the early 1900s. There were 40 of them. Now there are 600. That's a great comeback.
They are Siberian tigers which, according to the article "Biggest Tiger Pounces Back from Brink" on NG's website, almost went extinct in the early 1900s. There were 40 of them. Now there are 600. That's a great comeback.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
NGGP Returns
My friends, Tori and Geoff, and I had another global night. We decided to make it a truly global experience by going to Safeway and picking up some accouterments. These included: aged cheddar from Ireland (it was two years old!), multi-grain club crackers, and Fat Tire Ale. These we added to our stock of Sweet Maui Onion Potato chips, and Verona cookies. Ok, so basically everything except the cheese was from the US but at least the ale was inspired by a cycling trip through Belgium and the cookies have an Italian sounding name. We played it up and tonight I came back from being last place to being first. Nice. This really is one of the sweetest games I've ever played but we will soon have a major problem... We're running out of questions! You can help us by leaving your favorite geography questions as comments to this post.
Best question of the night... Category: Wild Card
"Which are yeti and Sasquatch? a) American Indian guides who helped American colonists, b) a comedy team famous in Chicago, Illinois, c) mysterious creatures some people claim to have seen"
Friday, April 13, 2007
National Geographic Global Pursuit
My good friend Tori owns a game called National Geographic Global Pursuit. It's a geography game that was made in the 80s which means some of the answers are the Soviet Union or East and West Germany. It's really great fun. We played it on Easter and I want to share one of the best questions ever. It came from a Wild Card:
"If a three-toed sloth and a red kangaroo had a race, which would win?"
How did they come up with a question like that?! I don't know, but I'm so glad they did.
"If a three-toed sloth and a red kangaroo had a race, which would win?"
How did they come up with a question like that?! I don't know, but I'm so glad they did.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Deliberation
So here I am, finally joining the blogging community. I deliberated for a long time about whether or not to do this. I deliberated on the title, too. I chose "My Portion" because of the verse in Lamentations that I love and want to live by. I also thought it was fitting because this is sort of my portion of the dialogue about life that goes on all the time. I deliberated about what kind of blogger I was going to be. I could be the kind that posts my profound thoughts about religion and the world and people and life. But I don't know if I would actually succeed in being profound. Or I could be the kind that posts bunches of fun things found in the farthest corners of the world wide web. But I don't think I have enough time to do that. I guess there's really no telling what's going to come out. I'll just be me and hopefully entertain or encourage a couple people along the way.
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